Models walk the D&G menswear fashion show in Milan, Italy, on June 20.
Photo: Getty Images
HOLLLLYYY SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS. Men. Lots of them. Shirtless. Coming DIRECTLY toward us. While we’d normally avoid mobs of 20+ ripped dudes at all costs, we literally cannot move. Like, we can’t stop staring at their Ken Doll lines. Er, Brad Pitt in Fight Club lines. Er, muscle-y hip lines. WHAT ARE THEY CALLED? We need to lock down a name for this IMMEDIATELY because it’s quite possibly the hottest. Thing. Ever. How does it happen? HOW DO THE HIPS GET SO RIPPED LIKE THAT? Also, why do we feel sooo naughty staring at them? It’s like a big arrow pointing down to their, erm, manly bits. Too much? NEVARRRR.
So who are these slightly robotic and scary baby-faced beauties? DING DING DING. Correct! They are models! These chiseled bad boys are walking a D&G menswear show during Milan Fashion Week, and we’ve never been so conflicted about hot dudes by the DOZEN. Because, in theory, what’s better than one shirtless hot dude in bitty bottoms, no shirt and a fedora? A BAJILLION dudes in bitty bottoms, no shirt, and a fedora, right? Wellllllll, surrrrre, but we’re actually a little scared. The fact that they are all the same-ish height and relatively the same shade of beige kind of freaks us out. We also weren’t imagining SO many six-packs being forced on us, because one set of washboard abs is HOT, but 20 kind of looks like a brick wall closing in on us. AND WE’RE CLAUSTROPHOBIC.
But jusssttt when we were beginning to think it looks like some crazy end-of-the-world robo-attack (the lack of smiles/chest hair and abundance of furrowed brows does NOT help), we stepped back and thought, “Tee hee. They are wearing moccasins. That’s kind of funny.” Then an onslaught of feel-good emotion overcame us, and then we decided we kind of like that ornate gold chain pattern that is SCREAMING ’80s Gucci and we sort of want everything we own plastered in that pattern. Like hot dudes. FULL CIRCLE.