Racegoers pose for a photo at Royal Ascot.
Photo: Getty Images
Remember once upon a time (almost two months ago) when a beautiful girl married a handsome prince? And all their fabulous friends (ahem POSH SPICE!!!!!) attended the wedding wearing elegant garments and fancy hats? And then the fairy tale was brought to a SCREECHING halt like the sound of an 11-car pileup next to a train station that’s in the jackhammers-only stage of renovation? Because you just saw Princess Beatrice wearing a labyrinth of fallopian tubes on her forehead?!?? Well, it turns out that was just a warm-up.
This week is Royal Ascot, lauded horse race and centerpiece of the British social calendar. And this particular Royal Ascot marks the 300th anniversary of Ascot Racecourse, so you KNOW it’s a big deal. As far as horse races go, compared to these Brits, Kentucky Derby looks like a matchstick flame next to a firework, and if we’re speaking strictly headpieces, the two are nowhere near comparable. Sure, the UK event is five days long, so there are more examples to choose among, but without contest, the hat game at Royal Ascot WAY surpasses our preppy lids and the (formerly) showstopping chapeaus donned at Will and Kate’s nuptials (Exhibit A: the “birds of a feather” ladycrew above [sidenote: anyone else imagining these are REAL birds attacking/nesting/dropping kids off at the pool on these women’s heads??]). If only someone would compile a flipbook of all the most outrageous hats! Oh, right. WE DID. No thanks necessary. It was our pleasure.