Kim Kardashian’s ‘Old People Stuff’ Wedding Registry

Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian shopping at Petco in L.A. on June 12.
Photo: Getty Images

When we woke up this morning, we rolled out of bed, got screamed at by our felines and thought to ourselves, ’You knoooooow… *mustache twirl* today is the day we are going to buy Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries that $8,000 Baccarat vase they want for their wedding. Because, check this: Their registry is public. Everyone can line up and see exactly what Mr. and Mrs. Kardashian-Humphries (side note: Her husband and her mother have the same name. TO YOUR DOME.) have selected to receive for their nuptials. And, you know, spending your exorbitant amounts of earned money is entirely at your discretion, but we have a couple of notes.

Some of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries’ wedding registry items.
Photo: Courtesy of Gearys

The duo selected pretty introduction to high-end houseware brands for their plates, cups, and ICE TONGS (2011 guys. Ice tongs. Why?), like Baccarat and Lalique, but in doing so, none of this stuff says youthful, fashion-forward, or adventurous. None of it says *neon lights* KARDASHIAN. Instead, this list reads like a posh retirement center checklist, which is all fine and good for Momma Kris (not fiancée Kris), but young K. Kard needs some youth in her crib. Some pizzazz. Not, you know, a resting nude. (Just typing that gave us shivers.) It was as if no real curation went into this list. A $470 Cunill frame? Not to be a downer, but when was the last time you put a photo in a frame? And if you are dropping five bennies on a picture, shouldn’t you at least get it customized? Last, what would one do WITH JUST ONE FRAME. (This is the stuff that keeps us awake at night.) It’s not all bad—we kind of see Kris (fiancé Kris, not mom Kris) shine through with a pinstripe place mat and the reasonably priced martini glass (though, we would think that fine drinkables might be the one place would splurge). And maybe it’s just a specific cultural slant, but our Armenian ex-boyfriend’s grandma had that exact same Baccarat candy dish (no joke) that she used to house pistachios. His meme was a very classy lady. And was also, 1 MILLION YEARS OLD. Jus’ sayin’.