Katy Perry as Kathy Beth Terry in 'Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.).'
All Photos Courtesy of Capitol Records
Imagine the world of Kathy Beth Terry, the secular teenager who didn’t grow up singing Christian songs on the acoustic guitar like the real Katy Perry, but the bizarro version living in a fantasy land by way of coming-of-age classics such as 16 Candles. In her new video, "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)," KP takes one for the team—the team being every awkward kid tumbling through puberty (stuck with headgear or a solar system diorama they loved too hard to part with). She invites the equally downtrodden to party alongside her: A Rebecca Black who is in on the joke, too-cool-for-school Kenny G. (who has, for ages, stood for the emphatically unhip), the Brothers Hanson, and a Corey Feldman making "Lost Boys" references and looking vaguely like a more sober Charlie Sheen (that's a whole lotta retro in one video).
And retro is definitely Katy's modus operandi, since she expresses her cringing pubescence through old-school fashion and culture references. Let's see how many nerd-cool moments of nostalgia Kathy Beth has wrapped up for us, tied up with a delicious bow of braces' bands. Enemies of frosted lipstick beware…
STYLE MOMENT: Arcane orthodontic horror + desperate cry for contact lenses
Sure, the pink turtleneck, weird denim onesie, and that Donna from 90210 bang swoop (that defies SO MUCH gravity) Kathy Beth rocks is pretty heinous, but what really induces goose bumps is that smudgy, ambiguous lip shade poor Kathy Beth wakes up in. The girl looks like she got hot and heavy with some cotton candy, which gives her frantic, just-woke-up-next-to-a-manwich terror an even more disheveled vibe.
STYLE MOMENT: Sexpot version of Rebecca Black + the kind of bangs that tone your arms
But when, in flashback, Kathy traipses over to cool girl Rebecca's house, R. Black shows her how it's done. An adult, significantly less awkward Black opens the door like a cleavage-y angel, taking Kathy upstairs to get her makeover on. Rebecca has clean eyeliner and light purple lids, plus a natural pink lip that doesn’t make overly dolled up. She could tone it down on the foundation (she is, still, like, a baby with babyskin), but we dig the voluminous curls over the stick straight "Friday" hair.
STYLE MOMENT: Neon + electroshock hair + mascaaaaara + geometric plastic earrings
The Rebecca-made Kathy? The one we saw on her first leaked "T.G.I.F" cover. Frosted lipstick, lip liner that won't quit, and purple/green shadow paired with a nice helping of black liner. And the biggest hair in the room, fer serious. Suddenly we resent our oughts-era straightener...
STYLE MOMENT: Hilarious sock/shoe combo + turtleneck UNDER a sleeveless anything (SO retro) + light-blue denim onesie
Blink or you’ll miss it, but Kathy follows Rebecca up the stairs (CHECK THE ‘80s GRANDMA CARPET! GOOD DETAIL, KATY!) wearing those horrendous tricolored pastel socks that were only worn decades ago and haven't been brought back because they really were that awful. Then, of course, there are the purple Crocs, which simply don't make sense, sartorially or chronologically.
STYLE MOMENT: Mismatched, neon, vinyl pointy-toed pumps
Whatever though, Reb's got Kathy covered and gives her two heels, in two different colors (hot pink and yellow—the requisite '80s colors of the "'80s Costumes" you find at Party City over Halloween). Please note her pigeon-toed homage to any teenage "walking down the stairs" scene.
STYLE MOMENT: Matchy-poo, two-toned nails to die for
Katy hasn't descended too far into the realm of Kathy Beth to know that in 2011, the best way to show you're on the top of the game is letting your nails bring it. So the two-toned yellow-and-pink tips—which she consistently gnaws on—look killer with her absurd plastic dollar store earrings. When it comes to your nails, there is no such thing as going too far.
STYLE MOMENT: Underwire training bra + marbled hair bauble + plastic hair barrette + side braid
One thing Kathy Beth Terry can't convince us of is that underneath her denim jumper and perfectly placed belt (IN THE LOOPS AND EVERYTHING!) is that there isn’t a Katy Perry underneath. Which is why the interlude with Kathy, Rebecca, and the gel boobs is so hilarious: Imagining Katy Perry as a gawky teen is funny because she clearly looks so bangin’ in her wrap skirt and off-the-shoulder tank top (pink and yellow, all the way).
STYLE MOMENT: Six plastic bangles + Body Glove zipper skirt + plastic belt + long-sleeved CROP TOP
She almost convinces us she is frumpy underneath, but no amount of mom-shorts or plastic barrettes can undo the fact that KP has some of the best gams in the industry and is far removed from training bra territory. So letting us laugh at her imagined gangly-ness (and letting little Reb Black be the cool girl) is all in good (and good-hearted) fun.