Let’s Discuss: Hammitt x ‘True Blood’ Werewolf Pocketbook

Arrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. *pant pant* Hammitt for True Blood Alcide Handbag.
Photo: Courtesy of Racked

Sooooooo. Yeah, this happened. Weird thing is, even between the Rottweiler Givenchy T-shirt that Kanye and Liv Tyler both wore, the menacing cat one-piece swimsuit that Rihanna wore a majillion billion years ago, and the Christopher Kane gorillas, I’m not even of the camp that the rabid animal face motif is tired. I kinda like it as the logical next step from irono-wearing those black tees with the wolf pack and the dream catchers because that mess was hilarious and bizarre.

The thing that actually does totally confuse me other than the $500 bones (RAAHAHAHAHARHARAHARSNOOORT. WHAT? I am TOO a lady. Sheesh.) you’ll have to drop on this novelty item, is that they totally did this wrong.

Why is the FUG-ass, sorta molting, blatantly-FAKE-fur-cut-to-divergent-cheapo-extrudo-lengths side on the outside? Call me crazy but shouldn’t this have the printed face on the exterior with a fur lining that you could use as a muff in the dead of winter? That way you’ll have something to do OTHER than think about how you quit smoking because you’re too busy idly picking out all the errant purse nuggets out of the seriously napped, almost sticky bag interior and then using your other hand to get the gunk out of your nails? That’s like 74 minutes of UNBRIDLED entertainment. Talk about a missed opportunity.

I mean, I get how Hammitt is a real thing and people like Lindsay Lohan and Angelina Jolie are fans of their studded and grommeted work but I’m side-eye meh on this whole presentation. Frankly, given how obscenely virile and womb rattlingly hot the werewolf character on HBO’s True Blood, Alcide Herveaux, is, I feel this is an injustice. Seriously, not to be gross, but one time I saw the dude who plays Alcide, Joe Manganiello, at a party and he was 6-foot-a-million with 11 percent body fat and the thickest, shiniest head of hair and straight up the BEST hands with the noblest of veins and I almost threw a gas mask at him whilst wearing my own (pink, obviously) and KILLED everyone else in the room just to get some us time. True Blood? More like TRUE STORY!!!!! We’re married now. Says I’m not allowed to have one of these.

{via Racked} {via HBO Store}

Hammitt for True Blood Alcide Handbag.
Photo: Courtesy of HBO Shop