Coco modeling the Licious Denim Outfit.
Photo: Courtesy of Licious
Over the weekend, the New York fashion community learned something new—that Ice-T's improbably proportioned wife Coco has a clothing line. And while there's plenty of low-hanging fruit to plunder in discussions of fledgling fashion brands launched by former Playboy models, since I have an enormous amount of respect of Fin Tutuola in Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, I will strive for diplomacy and a delicate touch.
We'll see how that goes.
The thing about the blonde bombshell's foray into apparel is that she's actually had a denim line since 2009. The unorthodox spandex to cotton ratio of her jeans not only flattered her absolutely INSANE physique in this Twitpic dated December 12, but was actually a respectably early form of the jegging (a trend that outright refuses to die despite my attempts to kill it with fire). In that aspect, she was definitely on to something and could have made a grip of loot with the right positioning.
But then there's another aspect that's truly hilarious and emblematic of the cloistered life that the trophy wife of Ice-T would lead.
You see, the workout section of her expansion into cut-and-sew is called "Team Coco"—an inspiring name were Conan O'Brien not already a thing. The vibrantly colored, short-run assemblage of loungewear, cropped hooded sweaters, bikinis and highly abbreviated dresses are predictable and stretchy with a price point enjoying the expected 25 percent markup for having a "celebrity designer." As such, sweats are $80.
And while the tagline of for those who "need an extra lift for their gift" is UNBRIDLED GENIUS, the copy on the Geocities-looking website is thoroughly disheartening to where we maybe think she and her team don't know what "apparel" actually means. Or how to judge the appeal of the word "limited." :(
"Licious Apparel Jeans are that perfect piece for every season and most occasions. Browse our limited collection and get the perfect fit for you, since our apparel wear are truly designed to fit around a woman's body. Clothing that hugs your body to make you feel sexy and very comfortable. A new fashion trend by fashion designer Coco."
I kinda want her to win because she's likable enough, and I will certainly watch the couples reality TV show on E! Ice Loves Coco if for no other reason than to know what her voice sounds like. But her clothing line definitely needs to get better. A body-con line that actually works for the size 8-14 region in the $100-$200 scale would MURDER, and she could be the one to do it.