Cover Girl Roundup: Britney Spears, Taylor Swift, Penelope Cruz, January Jones, And Cameron Diaz

It’s time for the weekly Cover Girl Roundup again, and this installation is one of our BIGGEST yet! Last week, we spotlighted the release of V Magazine’s “Asia Issue” with Lady Gaga fronting the mag clad in facial embellishments in honor of her writing debut. We also featured the always-lovely Rachel McAdams on the cover of Elle, everyone’s favorite cheeky British fashionista, Alexa Chung, on the cover of Vogue UK, and Cameron Diaz’s side-boob all over the June cover of Cosmopolitan. This week, we’re BLOWIN’ UP with covers: Britney Spears looking better than ever on Harper’s Bazaar, Taylor Swift on the newest issue of InStyle, the perfection that is Penélope Cruz’s face emblazoned across the front of the cover of Vogue, a red-lipped beauty-marked January Jones on Allure, and Cameron Diaz making her second Cover Girl Roundup appearance in a row as the face of this June’s Elle UK.

IT’S BRITNEY B#$%*! @^%&^$! &*%^@#$@%#$*******%#$^! Yes, that was all necessary, thx. Come on, did you LOOK at this cover of Harper’s Bazaar? This cover of Britney looking classy and powerful and beautiful and strong and just about the furthest away she could possibly be from that bald umbrella-wielding crazy-pants we were all too familiar with four years ago?? The buzz is that Britney’s back, but I would argue that Brit is not only back but has pushed herself to an entirely new level — one she’s never even come close to before. In this optic white Bill Blass cutout back dress, she looks mature, poised, and genuinely happy as she peers backward over her shoulder as if to say, “Hey there, I know you missed me. Well, here I am, SUCKERS, and you all need to catch up!” Oh, Brit Brit, you coy little minx!

Speaking of growing up, Taytay, is that you?! Taylor Swift is looking pretty darn mature on the cover of this month’s issue of InStyle. She may have risen to superstardom by singing about Prince Charmings and fairy-tale endings and the highs and lows of being a teenager, but now that she’s 21 and has had some real-life experiences, her springy ringlets are a little looser and heavy with the wisdom that comes with age. OK, not really, but the smoother, more relaxed ’do is definitely becoming, and in this goldenrod asymmetrical Victoria Beckham shift, T. Swift is clearly making that transition from “cute” to “sexy.”

Holy proximities—talk about a CLOSE-UP! Most people couldn’t pull off a magazine cover in which your head takes up at least 65 percent of the surface area—airbrushing or no airbrushing—but Spanish beauty Penélope Cruz is not most people, and Vogue is definitely not most magazines. This year has been a big one for Cruz, with the birth of her son, Leo, a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, starring alongside Johnny Depp in the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean movie. And yet, look at her here: fresh-faced, dewy, an effortless side braid, impeccably shaded and sculpted brows, and a complexion to kill for (not die, because the sight of her perfectly toned and freckled skin doesn’t send you into a dark wallowing sadness as much as it ignites an apocalyptic rage). It’s as if she doesn’t even know the MEANING of a stress pimple!

Is this January Jones or her Mad Men character, Betty Draper? Double J appears on the June cover of Allure doing her retro-chic thang in a short wavy/curly feathered bob, RICH red lips, and nails, and a tastefully darkened beauty mark (read: the anti-Gaga enormole). AND instead of looking as if she’s choking on the wrong end of a spaghetti noodle or like her trachea is being attacked by an off-camera foe, the former model effectively pulls off the infamously difficult hands-caressing-own-neck pose and manages to actually look thoughtful and sensual.

Cameron Diaz is preeetty notorious for appearing in her underwear in films, and here she is. At it again. Frolicking around in her skivvies. Or is that a one-piece swimsuit? Or a bodysuit? Or a tankini? Whatever, the point is that she’s totally pantsless all over the June cover of British Elle. And she’s, like, doing Tai Chi or yoga, or she’s about to roll out into a cartwheel or she’s tackling a linebacker or… or you know, doing something superathletic because her body is absolutely SMOKIN’ (go rent The Mask right NOW). It’s no wonder JT couldn’t resist costarring with her in their new film, Bad Teacher, even though they’ve been broken up and reportedly aren’t getting back together (because everyone knows he’s saving his heart for ME, duh). We’re with you, Justin. The months you spent ogling Cam’s superhot physique on set are totally forgivable because for real, the woman = YOWZA.