Let’s Discuss: Karl Lagerfeld’s Gang Of Muses AKA Rachel Bilson, Alexa Chung And Blake Lively

Rachel Bilson, Alexa Chung, and Blake Lively at the Chanel Collection Croisiere Show 2011-12 in Cap d’Antibes, France, on May 9.
Photo: Getty Images

If your RSS feed reads like mine (sexiest way ever to start a post. SCIENTIFIC. FACT.), pictures from the Karl Lagerfeld’s cruise/resort/betwixt 2011/2012 collection for Chanel at Cap d’Antibes were everywhere. If not, here’s a extra speedy recap: The event was a reliably mesmerizing assortment of spindly, milky-white legs and beveled sternums sprinkled with full-butt, fancy-lady swimsuits, tweed, palazzo pants, a couple of dropped waists, floral dresses with see-through illusion paneling and The Kaiser’s main male muse/model Baptiste Giabiconi in a turban and a weirdly peaked Nehru collar/car coat situation that feels suitably colonial for the occasion.

It was, in short, VERY Chanel. Or rather, Chanel, circa when CoCo first decided for the whole world that pale was out, tans were in, and melanoma was something we’d all deal with later, mostly because people who took vacations were inordinately wealthy (side note: You know what I love doing? Reading the Chanel site in French because, I swear to God, it’s like a pistachio macaron and a blob of pernod, satisfying and oddly classy [side bar to the side note: I mean, your man calls the launch of a pop-up store “inauguration of the ephemeral boutique.” LOLOLOLOL]). Whimsical, elegant, riche without the threat of crossing the threshold to louche, the attendees were a dazzling potpourri of gorgeous girls, among them such white-toothed lovelies as Rachel Bilson, Alexa Chung and Blake Lively.

So, whose outfit did you like the best? THE END. JK.

I talk about this ad infinitum like the one-trick pony that I am, but I love Karl Lagerfeld. Genuinely and completely. He is the Regina George that has governed the high school of my entire teen-to-adult life because every time he anoints a new girl with his co-sign, I buy into it SO HARD over-and-over again and cannot stand it (read: Lily Allen). Look at Bilson. She’s a vision in a boyish blazer and leather shorts. IDK if I actually cared that much until Karl put her in an ice cream commercial of all things. And, ZOMG, Blake. Has she ever looked more golden and beautiful since she started swanning around on the wing of this silver-haired Kraut? That Alexa Chung wore the least predictable, girlish, loooooong, “take-a-turn-about-the-garden” midi-length, full-skirted, empire-waisted ensemble also kills me with how strong and confident her G is because she KNEW people would be skewing short and jaunty.

Thing is, there are 1,430,000 results in 0.16 seconds if you google “Karl Lagerfeld muse” and as seething as Leighton Meester or Mischa Barton must be that they were ALMOSTSOCLOSE (the former much more than the latter, let’s be honest), I maybe go to bed each night wishing, hoping, praying, idolatry-ing that one day I’ll wake up and be chosen. It will probably the same day as The Rapture, and we’ll all be way too busy floating up into the sky to notice I am FINALLY wearing head-to-toe Chanel like how I’ve always suspected I was worthy of doing, but still. It’s totally on my bucket list and seeing as I’m VERY OLD it may get slightly gross towards the end bit. Choi out.

*OK, for real, promisepromisepinkyswear, tomorrow will be another trend report for “Let’s Discuss.” I really didn’t know this post would turn into THIS post when I started out.