Mew. Will. Love. Me.
Oh, heeeeey! Wow. I can’t believe it’s already my first day with you guys. My boss Sophia’s already gone and written the most glowing report of my joining the team, so I’m convinced she’s jinxed the whole enterprise so EVERYBODY GO HOME THE INTERNET IS CANCELED. Just kidding. Everyone knows the Internet is run by an network of telekinetic pygmy Persian kittens in outerspace, so I think this will be OK. Fun even.
Right? I mean, let’s be all the way real. This is not cold fusion. We’re dealing with things like crackle nail polish, bangs, cocktail dresses, bags, and shoes. Stuff that is nothing more than random articles of listless bric-a-brac… ZOMG I am just kidding. All of these things are crucial, and we will talk about them
with the gravitas and devotion they deserve.
In any case, I just hope this space will develop organically, find its voice, and get along with the rest of the online community—and bludgeon competitors to a bloody, wretched pulp of searing envy and bits of hair. SIKE. I just hope you guys like me. And that you’ll bear with me while I splish around and figure out what I’m doing. Meow. First day. Who am I gonna even eat lunch with?