By Kathy Iandoli
Charlie Sheen is winning. At least, that’s what the actor turned warlock with tiger’s blood and goddesses in tow would have you believe. While mainstream America is both intrigued and terrified by Sheen’s sudden new lease on life, Hip-Hop has seen it all before. Hip-Hop was raised on braggin' rites, extreme self-confidence, and also (sadly) some individuals who were not “all there”.
Therefore, in the spirit of Sheen (and comedy), we’ve compiled a list of rappers who remind us of the crazed thespian. In other words, here are some rappers on that “Charlie Sheen.”
1. DJ Khaled
This one is a given. With Sheen “bi-winning” and claiming to be winning at every other angle, we can’t help but remember the DJ who made a whole track about that. The DJ Khaled crafted posse cut “All I Do Is Win” is the hip hop anthem for winners, and now it can be the anthem for Charlie Sheen. Charlie may have to tweak it up a bit, and remix the track to be called “All I Do Is Bi-Win”.
2. Kanye West
Yeezy found bravery in his bravado, and now so has Charlie Sheen. It takes a hell of an individual to get in front of a camera and ask CBS to lick his feet. In the same vein it took a hell of an individual in Kanye West to get in front of a camera and announce to the world that George Bush didn’t care about Black people. Both have something to say, and both have no problem saying it. Also, both seem to love themselves quite a bit.
3. Ol’ Dirty Bastard
Another given. The late ODB didn’t always know where he was. This was evident at the MTV Video Music Awards in 1998 when ODB stumbled around the stage during his performance of “Ghetto Superstar” with Pras, Mya and Canibus and he almost landed on an explosive stage prop. Pras saved his life that day, but clearly no one came to Charlie Sheen’s rescue in his recent interviews where he’s flying off the deep end sounding totally confused. He too was clearly stepping on a land mine.
This Chi-Town rapping hurricane spits bars at a time that are so fast you can’t tell what he’s saying … but you like it. Charlie Sheen has been speed-rambling recently too about a number of different things. While we can’t really understand because we all don’t speak “Sheenanese”, that doesn’t stop Chuck’s manifestos from keeping everyone entertained. Thanks to the Sheenius, we have a number of catch phrases to add to our vernacular, including, “You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it. Unplug this bastard. Yeah.”
5. Cypress Hill
Snoop Dogg was obviously a contender for the “you’re clearly high” example. However, we took it to the purveyors of pot. Cypress Hill was honoring the hashish in a way that even Dr. Dre couldn’t comprehend on The Chronic. So, in honor of that next level of high – because Charlie Sheen is clearly at that next level of high – Cypress Hill could be the only parallels to “his highness”. Another runner up? Wiz Khalifa. Sheen and yellow, Sheen and yellow.
Throughout the tenure of Eminem’s rap career, he’s managed to say some pretty awful things about murdering his ex-lady Kim, hurting his mother, and even mentioning the late Christopher Reeve. Like Eminem said way back when in his introductory track way, “I Just Don’t Give a F--k,” and neither does Slim Sheeny. “I will murder you violently,” Sheen says. Yeah, that sounds about right.
7. Too $hort
Too $hort is a pimp and has never been caught without a harem of ladies in check. Charlie Sheen has goddesses. See the similarity? While both are inexplicably chick magnets – Charlie being on “Two and a Half Men” and Too $hort being almost half a man – they manage to, well, win in that department. So far we only know of two goddesses in the Sheenery, but that will probably go up, especially after these interviews.
8. Paul Wall
Paul Wall is the hip hop dentist for whomever is looking for some grills. Charlie Sheen now has a mouth full of gold teeth, because the only things that aren’t winning are his gums. Maybe Paul Wall can be a good sport and hook up Young Chuck with his own set of grills. The distinction between Paul Wall and Charlie Sheen? Paul Wall glams up his gums because he wants to, not because he has to (Sorry, Charlie).
What do you think of Charlie Sheen's week? Tweet to us at @MTVRapFix or tell us in a comment below?