By Chris Yuscavage
Kanye West has been everywhere this year but his travels aren’t limited to the Internet, the news or the radio, either. No, and the Chicago MC is traveling so much that he’s decided to hold concerts while he’s flying. RapFix says,why not?
During the early part of 2010, ’Ye spent his time shacked up in Hawaii recording tracks for his forthcoming album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy and flying friends like Q-Tip, RZA and Pete Rock out to visit. Over the course of the last month, he’s been around the world showcasing his short film “Runaway” for journalists in Paris, London and New York City. And, most recently, he announced that he would be accompanying Jay-Z on trips to the south of France and London, where the two will put the finishing touches on their collaborative album, Watch the Throne.
And that got us to thinking two things; one, it must be really, really nice to be Kanye West right now. And, two, ’Ye must have a lot of frequent flier miles racked up!
Luckily, RapFix is happy to report that they are not going to waste because this blog tracked down a source* who gave us the exclusive scoop on exactly what Mr. West has been buying with all of the frequent flier reward miles he’s racked up and what else he plans to purchase with them. In typical Kanye fashion, these rewards are only available to him and are top-of-the-line—read: no headphones, T-shirts or coffee mugs!
The Frequent Flyer Miles: 5,000 miles
The Frequent Flyer Reward: A gigantic Horus chain
The Explanation: We just knew there had to be an explanation for this one.
The Frequent Flyer Miles: 10,000 miles
The Frequent Flyer Reward: A date with model Selita Ebanks
The Explanation: Remember all those rumors that these two were dating? Well, they were. Kind of. Kanye cashed in his FF miles at 10,000 miles for dinner and a movie (they saw Get Him to the Greek—what up, Diddy!) with Ms. Ebanks. Now it all makes sense, right?
The Frequent Flyer Miles: 15,000 miles
The Frequent Flyer Reward: A paparazzi photo of Kanye with Ms. Kim Kardashian
The Explanation: ’Ye knew he was going to need to do the most in order to top the publicity surrounding his last album, 808s & Heartbreaks. And a date with Selita? Well, that just wasn’t gonna cut it. So he cashed in 15K miles for a few mysterious snapshots of him hugging Kim K and taking in all those curves. Were they dating? Just friends? “Canoodling”? None of the above. They were satisfying the requirements of a 15,000-mile frequent flier reward. Nothing more, nothing less, OK?
The Frequent Flyer Miles: 25,000 miles
The Frequent Flyer Reward: The chance to record an album with Jay-Z
The Explanation: Do you think just anyone gets to record with Hov? No. No, they don’t. They either have to be: A) The Pied Piper of R&B, B) A multiplatinum rock band (see: Linkin Park or Coldplay), or C) A frequent flier with a ton of rewards points. And since ’Ye was neither of the first two, he had to settle for C. Thus, why he and Jay are recording over the pond when they could just as easily do it in NYC.
The Frequent Flyer Miles: 50,000 miles
The Frequent Flyer Reward: A chance to look at naked girls—with Nicki Minaj!
The Explanation: Yeah, we knew there had to be something else to it when Nicki appeared on “RapFix Live” the other day. Damn, you Kanye! You lucky man!
The Frequent Flyer Miles: 100,000 miles
The Frequent Flyer Reward: Consecutive time slots on VH1, BET, and MTV
The Explanation: Little known fact, ’Ye could have used his 34-minute time slot of the three cable networks on October 23 for anything. He could have apologized to Taylor Swift for 34 minutes, aired the “Power” video eight or nine times in a row or simply spent the time talking about how great it truly is to be Kanye West. Conveniently, he had a 34-minute short film called “Runaway” that fit nicely into the space. Good timing.
The Frequent Flyer Miles: 500,000 miles
The Frequent Flyer Reward: The final performance slot at the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards
The Explanation: In order for everything above to go as planned (especially the naked girls/Nicki Minaj part!), ’Ye had to make amends with everyone he hurt at the 2009 MTV VMAs. So he reached deep into his travel bag and traded in 500,000 frequent flier points for a chance to hit the stage last at the 2010 show. He came up a little short initially … but his boy Pusha T (who racked up plenty of his own FF miles flying out to Hawaii to work with ’Ye earlier this year) agreed to go half on it with him. Nice investment, fellas.
The Frequent Flyer Miles: 1,000,000 miles
The Frequent Flyer Reward: One million copies of My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy sold, first week
The Explanation: Now we’re getting into the rewards that ’Ye’s still chasing. This first one is a doozy. No rapper has sold a milli since Lil Wayne back in 2008. Not even Drake. Couple that with the fact that Kanye’s dropping an album on the same day as Nicki Minaj and, well, let’s just say he might have trouble flipping a million copies. Unless, of course, he’s willing to record part of Watch the Throne in, say, Australia?
The Frequent Flyer Miles: 5,000,000 miles
The Frequent Flyer Reward: A spot in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
The Explanation: If you believe everything you read on the Internet (like RapFix does!), then you’ve probably read that there are plenty of folks out there who don’t want rappers in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. With all the controversy surrounding him, we’re guessing they’re really not going to want Kanye there either. No worries. With enough worldwide tours under his belt, he should have no problem getting a seat amongst the gods of Rock and Roll.
The Frequent Flyer Miles: 10,000,000 miles
The Frequent Flyer Reward: G.O.A.T. status
The Explanation: Let us put it this way, if Kanye flies more than 10 million miles, he better be considered the greatest of all-time. ’Cause that, my friends, is a lot of time spent up in the air. Word to George Clooney.
Be sure to check out MTV News’ flipbook on the most hilarious places Kanye should rap.
*Obviously, we made all of this up. Kanye flies private—not American Airlines, kids. But, seriously, this dude would probably be caking off Frequent Flyer Miles right now if he did, right?
What do you think Kanye West should win with all of his fictitious airline miles? Tweet us at @MTVRapFix or tell us in a comment below!