Kiala again! From the XBox livestream! I have feelings to share with you about stuff I disliked. Enjoy.
Ahhhh the livestream. It always feels like attending a Tony Robbins motivational seminar – or a school assembly. I generally spend the entire thing hoping someone will trip or swear or say something blatantly offensive because I am a 12 year old at heart forever. And yet, this XBox event was (unfortunately for me) relatively smooth and nary an awkward moment to be found. I did manage to find fault with some stuff because criticizing amazing leaps in technology which I have no talent for is fun!
10. Not enough dogs.
If we now have the technology for an elite SEAL trained sniper dog, why can’t we have a dog (or better yet, a KITTEH) in every game? And not just one that follows you around like in Fable or Skyrim or whatever. A real companion dog – like Elizabeth in Bioshock:Infinite. A dog that hits you in the face with ammo and salts. Now I am questioning my comparing Elizabeth to a dog but there it is. THERE IT IS.
9. Retro Look
Why does the new XBox One look like a VCR? Can it play tapes? Will I need to rewind games? Actually…I’d like to rewind games. Get on that XBox.
I don’t care about them.
7. Phil Spencer’s watch situation.
Was one a cuff? Was one a smart watch? Is he Wonder Woman? So many questions left unansered. I can only hope he busts those out at E3 and is like “These are the actual new controllers! And also I’m under house arrest”.
6. Steven Spielberg.
I guess it could be worse. It could be George Lucas. It’s just that we should never forget he executive produced the Transformers movies. Never. Forget.
5. The XBox One can measure my heartbeat.
That’s waaaaay too close to a Skynet situation. Or Cylons. Imma feared of robots. We don’t treat them all that well. Especially Roombas. We put cats on them in shark costumes and make them chase chickens. We’re basically Rome burning at this point.
4. Can we make a COD avatar?
Can she be a woman? If not I am going to table flip the internet.
3. WHEN IS IT COMING OUTTTTTTTT??
I need a date. To buy it. I don’t need a like…actual date. Dating means going outside and there are people out there. Gross.
2. NO BACKWARDS COMPATIBILITY.
Soooo none of your current games will work nor will anything you bought from the XBox arcade. This is BS. XBox is all about looking towards the future yes but seems determined to erase its history. Bad PR move and disappointing to everyone – especially those hit by difficult economic times.XBox ELITE is more like it – amirite?
1. Xbox iiiiiin spaaaacceee!
Why wasn’t this held on a spaceship? Like the Normandy? Or possibly in Colombia. In the sky. I have high expections, maybe, but that is how greatness is achieved and then lost due to greed, power and the inevitable corruption of a utopian society.