The Inexplicable Wackiness of Super Mario 2

Super Mario Bros. 2 has always been the anomaly in the SMB universe, since it wasn’t the original sequel (you needed a Famicom to play that one). Much like my thoughts on Punch-Out!!, there have always been a handful of questions left unanswered.

1. What’s the deal with Wart, and where’s he been? The same goes for Mouser, Fryguy, Triclyde , and Clawgrip. They should totally have made an appearance in a Mario Kart game by now.
2. What makes Shy Guy and Birdo so special? They have reappeared, and they both kinda suck.
3. Why did that face chase you when you stole the key? Was it his house key or something?
4. Why is Toad so awesome?
5. Floating Princess? That doesn’t even make any sense- SHE COULD HOVER!

6. The vegetables…. Were these just subtle suggestions on Nintendo’s part to get the developing gamer generation to either their greens, because there isn’t really any good reason for these to be here.
7. Why is there only 1 1-up in the entire game? That one in the first level, that’s it.
8. Was I the only one that developed an unhealthy slot machine addiction from this game?
9. Rockets?… Really? There’s no place for rockets in the same game as Mario. What kind of rocket fuel is floating around in this world that would make it
10. Why is there a bird at the end of each level? That’s just creepy, climbing inside the mouth of a giant bird.
11. He was sleeping? The whole time? It was a dream? That’s one heck of a dream.
12. Finally, and most importantly, why wasn’t the real Super Mario Bros. 2 released in America? Nintendo claims it is because it was too difficult for U.S. gamers, but I think that’s a lie. We could have totally handled it. I think it was because they didn’t want us to know that there were poisonous mushrooms out there. Yeah, that’s totally it.

Games used to make so much more sense when I was younger, what happen?