In Which I Remember the Time Aquaman Tried to Kill Me

This is Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis, the game -- and I am not making this up -- that tried to kill me.


Let us flash back to E3 2002. President George W. Bush taught us to fear pretzels. The Ivorian Civil War broke out in a place called Cote d'Ivoire, prompting me to check an atlas to see if someone wasn't having fun at my expense. And, also, this happened.

It was a simpler time, then. I was sitting in the TDK "VIP" booth watching my friend and frequent Xbox Nation game critic Daniel "Dandy Dan" DiGiacomo play a certain game starring a certain underwater superhero with a certain stainless steel hook on his hand. Boy, were we ever stupid!

Anyway, and I must repeat that I am not making this up, Battle for Atlantis tried to kill us. As Dan was playing the game, the heavy wooden/metal door that served to separate the VIP booth from the rest of E3, began to fall.

Had it fell on us, this meandering, senseless blog post would have been written by my mother as a cautionary tale that videogames are, in fact, not only evil but deadly.

But Dandy Dan dropped the controller and caught the door before it could strike either of us.

He says, "I remember seeing it in my peripheral vision a split-second before impact. In retrospect, I shoulda let it hit me in the head and cashed in."

Take that, King of Atlantis.

Movie & TV Awards 2018