The Weekend Guide: ‘The Counselor,’ A Lifetime Movie, and More

By Amelia Mularz

So Kim Kardashian got engaged this week, which ignited an epidemic of déjà vu across the globe. Our DVD pick (a throwback to 1989) will also take you back. But first, here’s what’s brand spanking new at the theater:

On the Big Screen: “The Counselor”
Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz, Michael Fassbender, Brad Pitt, and Cameron Diaz star in a film that opens today. The movie is a prequel to “Weekend at Bernie’s.” Can’t wait!

Ok…fine. That’s not true at all. But with such an all-star cast, does it even matter what the movie’s about? In reality, Michael Fassbender plays a corrupt lawyer (aka “the counselor”) who signs on for a lil’ freelance drug trafficking with Javier Bardem’s character, Reiner. And by “lil'” we mean moving a truckload of cocaine from Colombia to Chicago.

As you can imagine, international drug trafficking schemes amongst friends never end well. Someone always gets his feelings hurt. Violence, cheetahs, and Javier Bardem in Versace shirts ensue.

On the Boob Tube: “The Husband She Met Online”
These days the only thing that’s more dangerous than doing business with a drug cartel is doing online dating. This weekend at 8/7c, Lifetime dishes us their latest Original Movie and it’s a doozy. The so-called perfect guy turns out to be a sociopathic stalker. Hate it when that happens.

From Your DVD Collection: “Teen Witch”
Between the “Carrie” remake and “American Horror Story: Coven,” witches are having a moment. But let us not forget the original teen witch, Louise, who was played by Robyn Lively (Blake’s big sis). One of the coolest scenes from the movie was when Louise used her powers to help her friend Polly get some street cred. Of course the only way to get street cred in the 80s was to challenge someone to a rap battle, and thus “Top That” was born. Earlier this week, a present day Polly (or Mandy Ingber, as she’s actually named), reenacted the scene. Eat your heart out:

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