Cameron Diaz Playing Miss Hannigan Is The Week’s Most Important News

By Amelia Mularz

Cameron Diaz…that old grouch.

While we still may think of her as the hot girl who licked Jim Carrey’s face in “The Mask,” or the hot girl with the “hair gel” in “There’s Something About Mary,” or the hot girl (is this typecasting or what?) who boogied in her tighty whities in “Charlie’s Angels,” times they are a-changin’.

Earlier this week word spread that Diaz has been cast as Miss Hannigan in the latest incarnation of “Annie.” Miss Hannigan—the boozy, disheveled, manipulative orphanage headmistress—doesn’t seem like an obvious match for the midriff-baring chick who sang “The Penis Song” in “The Sweetest Thing,” but this is Hollywood. There’s makeup and magic, and Diaz did pull off disheveled pretty well in “Being John Malkovich,” so we get it. Fine. What will be strange to see, however, is the generation who will soon grow up thinking of Cameron Diaz as the villainous wench-type, and not the hottest thing (next to Jason Priestley and Capri Sun) of the 1990s.

Take, for example, Johnny Depp. In a recent conversation with an eight-year-old, Depp was identified as that “freaky pirate guy, Jack Sparrow.” Wrong. To a child of the 80s, like myself, Johnny Depp can only be known as the confusingly attractive Edward Scissorhands, or the blatantly attractive Cry-Baby.

But then again, I once thought of Marlon Brando as only the totally terrifying Kurtz in “Apocalypse Now.” Imagine my shock (and joy) to discover that back in the day Brando was a seriously smokin’ heartthrob.

Yes, one day in the distant future, our children’s children will stumble across “Bad Teacher” on Turner Classic Movies and discover that Miss Hannigan was totally hot.

The remake of “Annie” starring Diaz, Jamie Foxx, and Quvenzhané Wallis is scheduled to hit theaters Christmas Day 2014.