By Amelia Mularz
America’s favorite meme (sorry, “McKayla is Not Impressed”) just inked a movie deal. Grumpy Cat, the perpetually pissed-off feline, will star in an upcoming family comedy flick. The deal was orchestrated by agent Ben Lashes, who also reps Keyboard Cat and Nyan Cat (clearly this guy’s got a lot of pull).
Talk of a Grumpy Cat movie comes on the heels of a book deal and a beverage line — reportedly she’s primed to release cat-inspired coffee drinks (not even making that up).
With all the of hubbub surrounding this kitty, we thought we’d offer up a little advice to help her keep things real when she heads off to Hollywood. Grumpy Cat, if you can read this through your misery, take note:
» Remember where you came from. Soon you’ll be too busy for us lowly Internet fans because you’ll be off to another pool party at Ben Affleck’s place. But don’t forget, you are Tardar Sauce (real name) and not too long ago, you were just another mouser squattin’ in a litter box in Arizona.
» Steer clear of Budweiser commercials and Kevin James films. Once upon a time there was a giraffe named Tweet who was living it up and starring in everything from Toys ’R’ Us commercials to “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.” Well, after filming scenes for Kevin James’s family comedy “Zookeeper,” poor Tweet died, allegedly from chewing on a toxic tarp. Likewise, things didn’t go so well for animal actor Spuds MacKenzie, who died of kidney failure after a string of Budweiser commercials. Showbiz ain’t all glitz and glamour.
» Listen to Corey Feldman and Aaron Carter. At age one, you are a child star, Grumpy Cat, even though you think you’ve got it all figured out. Both Corey and Aaron have been outspoken about child star rights (one wants to protect you from touchy-feely creeps, and the other wants to help you avoid money-hungry momagers). Perhaps it’s never been said, but these two men know what they’re talking about.
» Take up a cause. David Duchovny shed light on sex addiction. Kim Kardashian bravely showed us her psoriasis. It has come to our attention that your grouchy look is due to feline dwarfism. Could you be the Kim Kardashian of feline dwarfism?
» Always have a plan B. Your surly looks won’t last forever. Like all the movie stars who have come before you, you’re gonna need something to fall back on. Can you write a tell-all memoir about someone slightly more famous than you? Do you have an organic muffin line? Have you considered a chain of Pilates studios for cats? Think about it…
Now go break a leg, Grumpy Cat!