The Return of Macaulay Culkin is the Week’s Biggest News

By Amelia Mularz

Singing “Kokomo,” arguing with the paparazzi, and brandishing fingernails painted in wild colors, Macaulay Caulkin has found his way back into our lives. And we’re so happy to have him here.

We haven’t seen him on the big screen since 2007’s “Sex and Breakfast,” which was a film about…er (awkwardly tugging on imaginary shirt collar). Okay fine, we missed that one. But according to IMDB, it was a sexy romp-of-a-flick with doc-prescribed couple swapping. Oh Thomas J!

Of course the Macaulay we all remember is the one who got left home alone (and later ditched in New York), the one who was friends with Vada Sultenfuss and had a horrible bee allergy, and the lil’ dude who was the richest kid in the world. In real life, he was friends with Michael Jackson and Bubbles the chimp. Those were the days…

Reports surfaced earlier this week about the “Home Alone” star singing the Beach Boys hit as part of a surprise performance with his buddy Adam Green in the U.K. He wore a ponytail and shades and announced, “I’ve come all the way from America!” Allegedly, he also went on a pap attack, screaming at a photographer while exiting the nightclub. This behavior, however, seems fully warranted. What else do you expect when you kill a guy’s vibe after singing “Kokomo?”

Word also came from across the pond that Culkin was mistaken for a “tramp” (which we believe is British speak for “hobo”) at some point last week. According to The Sun, a local college student says he saw the actor smoking a cigarette on a street corner in the wee hours of the morning and he could’ve easily mistaken Culkin for a homeless guy. In other news, an NYU student here in the U.S. may or may not have seen a bag lady that had a striking resemblance to Amanda Bynes.

About Culkin’s re-emergence, all we have to say is, it’s about time! Music and TV have already seen the return of their 90s stars. Every boy band from 98 Degrees to Hanson has resurfaced, and Doogie Howser has a new TV show. Now please, Macaulay, never leave us again.