We Imagine ‘Star Wars’ Romance Novels Because They’re Inevitable

Yesterday, Marvel announced a new partnership with book publisher Hyperion on a series of “action and adventure romance novel” targeting a female readership. “The She-Hulk Diaries” and “Rogue Touch” will supposedly explore the female protagonists of the comic book world in a way that’s more relatable to the modern woman reader.

While we’re not totally shocked by an apparent cash-grab for that sweet, sweet “Fifty Shades of Grey” money, it’s a little upsetting to see such a revered brand stooping to that level. But hey, it’s just business, and when it’s business, nothing sentimental can last.

With Marvel going down the road of the romance novel, it’s only a matter of time before we start seeing the same for “Star Wars,” so we beat Lucasfilm to the chase. Here’s how we imagine a series of “Star Wars” romance novels going down.

“My Only Hope”
A young rebel leader must seek help from the last place she suspected, Old Ben Kenobi, the former warrior from an age long passed. But when Leia develops feelings for the Jedi master, can she tell him the truth before he disappears forever?

“There Is Another”
A young rebel leader must seek help from the last place she suspected, Luke Skywalker, the young warrior studying in the beliefs of an age long passed. But when Leia develops feelings for the future Jedi, can she tell him the truth before a dark secret is revealed and takes him away forever?

“Human Cyborg Relations”
C-3PO is a droid with life full of drama. He’s on the run from the Galactic Empire, his best friend only communicates in beeps, and he’s desperately lonely. One day, he meets the man of his dreams, but there’s one problem. That guy just bought him.