‘Portal’ And ‘Half-Life’ Movies: What We Need To See If They Happen

Before you get out your crowbar and storm the internet in a fury about potential “Half-Life” and “Portal” games, let’s take a breather.

The DICE talk between director of everything J.J. Abrams and Valve co-founder/internet deity Gabe Newell included no explicit talk of developing film projects based on either of the popular video games, but rather an intention to make movies and games together.

But let’s say that both “Portal” and “Half-Life” movies ramp up into production today. There are obviously a few things the fans are going to require and things they absolutely do not want to see. These are just a few…

Do not make Gordon Freeman talk.
If you’re looking for a quick way to destroy all good faith from the passionate “Half-Life” fanbase, make the ever-silent Gordon Freeman the main character of your movie, and make him talk. To fair, the topic of Freeman’s lack of a voice came up during the DICE talk as one of the essential elements of the character (and a storytelling drawback in the eyes of Abrams). This would probably never happen, but we’ve been surprised before.

Keep “Portal” funny.
The key to bringing Valve’s puzzler to the screen is matching or surpassing the intelligence of the games design and the humor in the writing. When the game is funnier than most of the comedies opening in theaters today, a “Portal” movie is not the easiest thing to sell to the dedicated fans of the game.

Do the gravity gun justice.
It goes without saying that the portal gun is the centerpiece of anything “Portal” related, and while the crowbar is key to Gordon Freeman and “Half-Life,” the weapon in that game with the most cinematic potential is the gravity gun. By its definition, the gun come preloaded with classic action sequences. Make sure that happens.

What do you want to see from a “Portal” or “Half-Life” game? Let us know in the comments below and on Twitter!