We’re Confused About ‘Star Wars’ And J.J. Abrams

It looks like we finally have a director for “Star Wars: Episode VII,” and it seems to be J.J. Abrams. We’ve dissected the questions we have, the potential look of the film, and Abrams’ “Star Wars” love affair over at MTV News, but as psyched as we are about the prospect, we’re having a hard time getting a different Abrams property out of our heads.

Let’s see if we can explain this to you. We’re going to start describing “Star Wars” and then let’s see what happens.

So in “Star Wars,” there’s this beautiful woman and she’s on the run, but there’s more to her than there seems.

Wrong. Moving on. She soon meets up with this criminal type but with jokes, who may act tough, but he’s actually a softy.

Still no. Anyway, there’s this old guy…

Stop it. An old guy who believes in an invisible power…

Nope. Forget him. What about the lovable big guy with a lot of hair?

Dammit! Ok, fine. You definitely know that villain who’s really popular among fans. He had a really sad upbringing, turned out bad, but ended up being good.

Fine, whatever! I give up.