A ‘Magic Mike’ Guide For Straight Men

We know what you’re thinking, straight dudes. Enough about this “Magic Mike” movie already! “Ladies and gay guy friends, please stop with all the breathy Tweets and Facebook posts,” you’re thinking. “Sure, there are some handsome actors who take their clothes off in an R-rated Steven Soderbergh movie about male strippers. So what?”

But fret no longer, gentlemen. We’re here to tell you what’s what in our handy love/hate guide to “Magic Mike.”

HATE All The Reverse Sexism
If there was a movie being released about a bunch of hot female strippers, there is no way straight guys would get away with the kind of consistent excitement that has been expressed via detailed Facebook and Twitter posts, as well as casual conversations. The feedback would be all rolled eyes and “You’re sexist!” comments.

LOVE The Fact That Ladies Don’t Actually Love Strippers
Have you ever known any ladies to want to date a male stripper? In fact, have you ever known any who have been actually attracted to one? It’s a fun fantastical concept for a movie, a bachelorette party or any other girls only gathering, but it’s fantasy and fantasy alone. All women I know eventually get uncomfortable or grossed out by real male strippers.

HATE Those Actors For Being So G-D Good-looking
There’s not much else that needs to be said here aside from the fact that Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey, Alex Pettyfer, Joe Manganiello, Matt Bomer, etc. were annoyingly blessed with the attractive gene. They’re totally wearing makeup and had to have their chests waxed for the movie, but that doesn’t really take away from the chiseled jaw lines and sculpted arms and abs.

LOVE Their Very Strict Diet And Fitness Regimens
Speaking of those sculpted muscles, there still isn’t a magic pill to take in order to get them. In order to get in tip top shape to bare almost all, each and every actor in the cast had to put in serious time at the gym and adhere to a strict “Men’s Health”-type diets of mostly bland protein and vegetables, with Kale shakes thrown in every now and again as a treat. And don’t forget all that body waxing, no one had fun doing that.

LOVE/HATE Soderbergh’s Ballsy, Bold Filmmaking
It goes without saying that “Magic Mike” is not a movie that everyone will enjoy. Director Steven Soderbergh seems hyper-aware of that fact and and as such has chosen to take a stance on the subject material in a way that demands attention and/or discussion. Hidden in-between the crowd-pleasing stripper routines is a cautionary tale about capitalism and the American Dream. Love or hate it, the man has a point and a likely box office champ this weekend.

Are you seeing “Magic Mike” this weekend? Let us know in the comments below and on Twitter!