If ‘Hunger Games’ Took Place In Real Life…

by Ryan Rigley

The Hunger Games,” if nothing else, is hugely exciting. The concept (teenagers being forced to battle each other to the death in front of a live TV audience) has proven intriguing to most people based on box office receipts alone. In fact, if “The Hunger Games” was an actual televised event, it would probably be the highest rated show on television.

While I wouldn’t put it past current television programming to air a “Hunger Games” type of reality TV show, there are still a ton of reasons why it just wouldn’t be the same. Taking place in a not-so-distant futuristic dystopia, the Hunger Games would not nearly be as awesome if they were to take place in our boring, everyday life. Here are five key differences between the “Hunger Games” movie and how it would play out in real life.

» Commercials: In “The Hunger Games” universe, watching the Games is not optional. It’s mandatory. Citizens from all 12 districts are forced to sit through the Games in its entirety, without any commercial breaks. When’s the last time you saw any live televised competition without having to sit through at least 15 minutes of commercials? Never, that’s when.

» No Minors: Only children ages 12 through 18 are allowed to compete in the Hunger Games. But in real life, there are laws against that. In order to appease legal standards, competitors would have to be 18 or older to compete in a real life Hunger Games. Just like joining the military! Speaking of which, there probably wouldn’t be any reaping either. If you can’t get drafted into the army, then you definitely can’t get drafted into a TV show.

» No Muttations: Jabberjays, tracker jackers, and monkey mutts? No such thing. Oh, you mean birds, wasps, and monkies! Yeah, we can’t have those either. PETA (not Peeta) would be all over that in a matter of seconds. In real life, muttations would probably be something closer to mascots; people dressed as large animals that are tasked with trying to distract the opposing players. Isn’t that fun?

» Plastic Weapons: God forbid someone gets hurt on live TV! With bows and arrows and knives, fatal “accidents” are bound to happen sooner or later. There’s just no avoiding it. Which is why all of the weapons on a real life “Hunger Games” would be made of plastic. Or foam. Whichever is less sharp. That way the contestants are never in any real danger. Kind of like a baby in a playpen.

» Extra Padding: Speaking of safety, you can never be too safe when competing for your life. To prevent anyone from actually dying or getting hurt, competitors on a real Hunger Games would be required to wear a ridiculous amount of protective padding. More so than both football and hockey players. There will also be protective pads lining the floors and walls of the designated Hunger Games arena. (Is it just us or is this real life Hunger Games starting to sound a lot like “American Gladiators?”)

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