What We Want From Seth MacFarlane’s ‘Ted’

by Ryan Rigley

Avengers. Dark Knights. Teddy bears. This summer is shaping up to be quite the marathon of awesome movies. One movie in particular has got us exponentionally more excited with every new bit of information that surfaces. That movie is “Ted,” the first ever live-action feature written and directed by Seth MacFarlane. The very same Seth MacFarlane that created “Family Guy,” “The Cleveland Show,” “American Dad,” and basically owns FOX’s entire Sunday night line-up.

One can only imagine what MacFarlane has planned for a live-action movie. “Ted,” starring Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis, tells the story of a man who accidentally brings his teddy bear to life with a childhood wish. Not much else has been said about the project, other than the fact that it takes place in Boston. Which explains why Mark Wahlberg was chosen to be the film’s protagonist.

If you are amongst the billions of people all over the world that watch any of Seth MacFarlane’s popular cartoon series, then you well know that the man has a very distinct sense of humor. Ranging from fart jokes to high brow hijinks, this cartoonist loves to push the envelope and see just how far he can take something before it becomes completely offensive. Here’s a list of some of those very distinct Seth MacFarlane-y things that we would like to see in “Ted.”

» 1. Talking Animals
In every one of his cartoons, Seth MacFarlane has at least one talking animal character. Whether it be Brian the dog, Klaus the fish, or Tim the bear, each of these talking animals are as lovable as they are hilarious. Granted, one of the main characters in “Ted” is a talking teddy bear. But teddy bears aren’t real animals! Hopefully, Ted is friends with a giraffe that is able to speak English for some inexplicable reason or something along those lines.

» 2. Random Cutaways
If you’ve seen “Family Guy” at least once, then you already know what we’re talking about. Seth MacFarlane is a huge fan of throwing in random cutaway scenes just for the sake of being random. The beauty of the random cutaway lies in the fact that it doesn’t need to make sense in context or in relation to the story. As long as we’re keeled over in laughter, it doesn’t really matter what the cutaway has to do with anything.

» 3. One Really Long Joke
Being another staple of Seth MacFarlane’s humor, certain jokes on his shows purposefully get drawn out way longer than they need to be. For example, that one joke on “Family Guy” where Peter falls and hurts his knee or that other one where Peter fights that chicken. Jokes like these go on unnecessarily long, making them even funnier than they were originally.

» 4. Obscure ’80s References
Growing up in the ’80s, Seth MacFarlane tends to reference a lot of semi-obscure ’80s television shows and movies in his work. Rumor has it that “Ted” contains multiple references to the cult classic 1980s film “Flash Gordon,” going so far as to cast the original Flash Gordon himself in a cameo role and recreate certain vehicles from the film. Here’s hoping that we get some more outrageously ’80s references in the same vein as “Flash Gordon.”

» 5. A Musical Number
It’s no secret that Seth MacFarlane is a fan of music. The man has his own Grammy-nominated studio album and has even performed at Carnegie Hall. Music has always played a key role in MacFarlane’s various works. In fact, the music on “Family Guy” is recorded live by an orchestra of up to 56 people. If we don’t get at least one song featuring Seth MacFarlane as a teddy bear and Mark Wahlberg’s Boston accent, we will be extremely ticked off.

Tell us what you want to see in the movie in the comments section or on Twitter!