by Ryan Rigley
Bold. Brash. Bees. These are but a few of the many things that come to mind when one thinks of the magnificence that is Nicolas Cage, a man almost too bizarre for words. With “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance” hitting theaters today (February 17), audiences across the country are gearing up for another installment of the motorcycled madman’s high speed hijinks.
In addition, Cage himself has expressed the desire to make a sequel to “The Wicker Man” not long ago, stating “I would like to take ‘The Wicker Man’ to Japan, except this time he’s a ghost.” So, let me get this straight. Nicolas Cage… as a ghost… in Japan for some reason? Yes, please!
It seems as though Mr. Cage has a serious case of “sequel syndrome” as of late. And what better way to celebrate than with our own dream-list of Nicolas Cage sequels?
“Face/Off 2: Face 2 Face”
The face-stealing psychopath known only as Castor Troy really knows how to push a man’s buttons. And I, for one, am dying to see him steal more faces. Whose face, you ask? I’m thinking Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s. Because who better to make a seemingly unnecessary sequel worth watching?
Nobody kills a room full of men whilst simultaneously having sex and smoking a cigar like John Milton does. This dad out of Hell has a PhD in kicking demon ass. Also, he’s already escaped Hell once. So why wouldn’t he do it again?
“The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call Camden, New Jersey”
Terence McDonagh is a bad lieutenant. A REALLY bad lieutenant. He’s pointed guns at old people, raped a girl in front of her boyfriend, and smoked lots and lots of crack. While on duty. For the sequel, he’d get reassigned to one of the worst places in the country. I wonder if there are any iguanas in New Jersey…
“Con Air 2: Back in the Box”
Former Army Ranger, Cameron Poe, put a stop to those pesky plane-jacking felons in the first movie. Now he’s head of security aboard the C-123 Jailbird. But things quickly go awry when he discovers that Cyrus “The Virus” is still alive! And he has a new robot head! AND he’s kidnapped Poe’s daughter! Gasp!
“Vampire’s Kiss 2: The Kissening”
For those of you that have seen that Youtube video of Nic Cage freaking out for 5 minutes, this is the movie where he recites the entire Alphabet for no reason. Peter Loew, pronounced “Looh,” is a crazy publishing executive that thinks he’s a vampire. But in the sequel, he would be even crazier and recite even more things in their entirety for no reason. Like all of Pi.
“Raising Arizona 2: Raising Massachusetts”
Criminal H.I. McDunnough and his cop wife, Edwina, go on another baby stealing spree after several failed attempts at having children of their own. And Robert Massachusetts, Governor of Arizona, just so happens to have ten newborn babies ripe for the picking. (Also, I just realized that McDunnough is virtually the same last name as Nic Cage’s character in “Bad Lieutenant.” Coincidence? Probably.)
Which Nic Cage sequels do you want to see? Tell us in the comments section and on Twitter!