‘The Grey’ Survival Guide: Do’s And Don’ts In Wilderness Movies

Surviving a plane crash is no easy feat. Outrunning mythical wolves can prove even trickier, and not everyone can do it with as much ease as Liam Neeson in “The Grey.” The survival thriller hits theaters today, and before you go off trying to rough it in the arctic yourself, do yourself a kindness by reading our do’s and don’t’s for making it through such an ordeal.

Here is our list of “The Grey” survival tips:

DON’T Act Like A Jerk
Let’s take this one off the table right away. If the audience isn’t going to be rooting for you, they’re going to cheer on the wolves once they get a hold of you. When it comes to an unlikeable character, the only thing more bloodthirsty than the supernatural wolves chasing you is the audience eagerly anticipating your demise. Be kind often and early, and you’ll at least survive until the second act.

DO Have A Special Set Of Skills
In “The Grey,” Liam Neeson’s character Ottway finds work as a sniper for the oil company. His job literally entails waiting in the cold for a wolf to come a-hunting and shooting it from afar. Of course, he’ll survive the longest. Part of making it through a plane crash movie involves having a talent, skill or feature that makes you indispensable to the survival of the group. Your abilities won’t guarantee a free pass from the wolves, but you’ll live longer than the guy who doesn’t know how to knife fight.

DON’T Have A Physical Impairment
Oh, you need corrective lenses to see? That’s going to be a problem. Survival requires you to depend on nothing and no one but yourself. Your glasses will break. You’ll lose your inhaler. Your anti-psychotic meds will go missing. You need to free yourself from all dependency if you want to make it out alive because you’ll inevitably lose everything when you’re running away from wolves.

DO Attempt To Save Those Who Are Going Down
This ties into the first point about generally being a good person, but there’s an extra element here. You should try to help any of your comrades that are about to eat it, or in this case, get eaten, but you shouldn’t try too hard. If they die, you’ve just bought yourself about 15 minutes of screen time free from wolf attack. Someone’s going to go down. If you’re serious about surviving, make sure it’s not you.

DON’T Be Less Famous Than Liam Neeson
The final and most important survival tip is the most difficult one to master. If you aren’t Liam Neeson, chances are that you’re less famous than Liam Neeson. This is not good for your health. If you can’t make yourself at least as famous as Neeson, closely associate yourself with him. Make small talk and hang tight. This will be your best bet for making it to the finale. You might still die, though, because you’re not Liam Neeson.

Are you looking forward to seeing “The Grey”? Let us know in the comments below and on Twitter!