Red Square isn’t really all that red. And don’t come to Moscow with your own money. These and other revelations will be unleashed in the forthcoming memoir of my junket adventures. Soon to be at the bottom of a remainder book bin near you.
It’s Wednesday in Moscow and I’m writing to you from a hallway. Not that I’m complaining… I mean, it’s a Russian hallway. But this is what a junket is at the end of the day. Lots of waiting interrupted by short bursts of activity. Currently my biggest concern is my stomach growling during one of my next interviews (this did happen once when I chatted with Vera Farmiga — neither of us acknowledged it). Anyway, right now I’m in one of those junket lulls, so it’s as good a time as any to bring you up to speed on my Russian misadventures.
Yesterday I did a little bit of sightseeing in famed Red Square (just down the street from the hotel). Here’s what I learned…
1. The audio tour at St. Basil’s is a ripoff. Just gawk from the outside.
2. There is an emaciated Shrek and an overweight Spider-Man available for photo ops here. In other words, Red Square is basically like Sunset Boulevard in LA.
3. Drinking at the hotel bar just feels better when John Malkovich is at the next table. Even when you don’t say a thing to him.
4. I need sleep.
5. I NEED SLEEP.
Sorry, I couldn’t sleep last night. Can you tell?
Which leads us to today. And today began with an IMAX 3D screening of “Transformers: Dark of the Moon.” I don’t think I’m allowed to review it per se but it probably won’t surprise you to know that…
A) it’s big
B) it’s loud
C) it’s long
D) it’s to summer movies what Barry Bonds’ head was to the normal noggin. You’ll get your money’s worth.
And that leads me back to this lovely hallway in Moscow. Time for me to do some work. I’m on deck for Mr. LaBeouf.
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