'Transformers: Dark Of The Moon' Rises In Moscow

TransformersMTV Movies Managing Editor Josh Horowitz is currently traveling in Moscow, but this isn't any ordinary excursion—it's more than meets the eye, as he braves cultural confusion and borscht by the bowlful in an effort to cover the world premiere of "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" in Russia. These are his stories.

I can now say with absolute certainty that “The Dilemma” is not a good movie. I saw it for the junket in Chicago earlier in the year (if you want to see the best thing that came out of that movie, enjoy this moment where I told Vince Vaughn that he ruined my Christmas) and I’m now on my third viewing thanks to the limited entertainment options on my 10 hour flight from JFK to Moscow. The Ambien hasn’t taken so I’m stuck with the “Just Go With It/The Dilemma” double feature. My only thoughtful analysis at this point is “The Dilemma” could have used more Brooklyn Decker.

But of course none of this has to do with giant robots and that’s why I’m here. Yes, I’m currently journeying in my economy plus seat ($80 for four more inches of leg room!) to a land I truly never thought would come my way. But Paramount and Michael Bay have some kind of spectacle to drop on the planet and you can’t do something like that half-assed, can you? So despite the fact that the last third of the film takes place in Chicago and a relatively short section apparently takes place in Russia (and not even in Moscow I believe), it’s vodka and borscht on the agenda for me this week (more of the former).

Go big or go home. I wouldn’t be surprised if those words aren’t etched somewhere meaningful for Bay. Let’s pretend it’s where his tramp stamp might be and have a good laugh. It seemed like a good idea to share an experience like this with you guys because it is a decidedly odd one – studio sends you to far off land (once the home to all that is evil in the world) so you can talk to John Malkovich in an air conditioned hotel room. That’s what’s on my docket this week. I’m going to send back photos when I can along with more of these little journal entries so hopefully you can get a sense of what it’s like.

How about we start with my rough itinerary?

I’m on my aforementioned Ambien fueled flight to Moscow right now (this being written Monday night). I arrive Tuesday morning just in time for the drugs to actually kick in so I can take a five hour nap in the middle of what will surely be a beautiful Moscow day.

Tuesday will be all about acclamation and Wednesday I’ll hit the ground running. I don’t know when you like to see your ginormous summer blockbusters but I’m willing to guess it's not at 8am which is when I’m catching the third "Transformers" flick on Wednesday. I’ve got some short interviews with the entire gang scheduled later in the day.

Come Thursday, it’s time for some red carpet action. You see, “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” opens the Moscow Film Festival. So I’ll have my red carpet hat on (note: there is no hat…yet! (ed note: it's stuck in customs. –JW)) for that one which is immediately followed by another carpet at a Linkin Park concert (featured prominently on the soundtrack of course).

Then Friday is a whole 'nother round of big interviews. Suffice it to say, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley will never want to see me again by Friday afternoon.

And Saturday, I’ll be back in NYC!

Somewhere in there I anticipate beautiful sights, humongous language barriers, vodka, a feeling that my life is in jeopardy, and some homesickness.

You ready? Here we go!