Scientifically proven fact: a heaping dose of Kristen Wiig heals all wounds. And, as evidenced by “Bridesmaids” – in theaters today (May 13) – Wiig’s performance seems especially therapeutic to counteract the residual traumas of our “always a bridesmaid” contingent.
“Bridesmaids” promises to fill an as-yet-unworn set o’ uncomfortably tight stilettos, bringing a much-needed female perspective to the “bro comedy” genre. The story follows the pitfall-laden plight of maid of honor Annie (Wiig) as she attempts to wrangle plans for the revelry surrounding her best friend Lillian’s (Maya Rudolph) wedding. Along with suffering a slew of personal problems, Annie must contend with the rest of the bridal party – disgruntled mom Rita (Wendi McLendon-Covey), naïve newlywed Becca (Ellie Kemper), aggressive and tomboyish Megan (Melissa McCarthy) and privileged, wanna-be BFF Helen (Rose Byrne).
The misadventures of this motley crew prove stomach-ache-inducing hilarious, but also touch upon some very current struggles for all those “of age” ladies out there. Which got us thinking – does real life imitate art? According to some former brides and bridesmaids, the answer is a resounding YES. Check out some real life wedding horror stories after the jump!
“My sister was so obsessed with her wedding day going perfectly that she scheduled the times where the ’maids were allowed to take a bathroom break!”
– Diane, 30
“The last wedding I participated in was at the hands of a total bridezilla who paid no mind to the fact that all her bridesmaids were on a budget. She made us buy $200 bridesmaid dresses (which required $100 of alterations, because even a size 0 was practically a size 14) – adding insult to injury, they were Pepto-Bismol pink and godawful ugly, plus the alterations were done so poorly that I could hardly breathe in the thing. Then, she asked us to purchase custom shoes ($75) and we all had to have our hair professionally styled on the big day ($75) plus we weren’t allowed to do our own make-up, so the artist she commissioned cost us an additional $75 each. To boot, she had a destination bridal shower on the beach, which cost me over $1,000 with travel, drinks, hotel and gift factored in. And then I had to travel again for the wedding – an additional $600, with the gift included. All of the bridesmaids threw their dresses and shoes into the hotel garbage cans the morning after the wedding – we didn’t even want to bother schlepping those horrific things back in our suitcases! And this is the kicker: now she’s pregnant. Here we go again!”
– Morgan, 27
“The dresses I chose for my bridesmaids were far too boobylicious for all of them, and they were all constantly popping out. There was at least one bra or boob conspicuously sticking out in every photo that was taken!”
– Jessica, 29
“Think heavy, highlighter-pink satin on a hot summer day. Think rhinestones. Picture a foundation, blush and eyeliner mask that glazed over what has always been a fair-skinned face. Fighting to avoid hair jewels and excessive pieces of wedding flair while trying to retain some kind of semblance of myself was just one of many battles. Entertaining young, hissy-fit family members – diverting disillusioned “friends” of the bride from ruining a bachelorette party. In short, I was a walking, talking, hot pink Xanax commercial.”
– Norah, 29
“My friend wanted to be a bridesmaid and threw a fit when she wasn’t made one. She ended up campaigning against my engagement party behind my back – she tried to get my other friends not to go and also bashed my choice in bridesmaids (two of the three being my sister and sister-in-law). Then, when I confronted her, she played the victim and said she felt that I didn’t care about her as much as she cared about me and felt like I was only her friend out of pity. It all ended up resulting in an unvitaion to my wedding!”
– Jess, 34
Share your real-life wedding and bridesmaids horror stories in the comments section and on Twitter!