The apocalypse approaches. April 21 brings us the Judgment Day foretold for years and years by the “Terminator” franchise — the day Skynet becomes self-aware and makes a mess of things. Earlier today, I mused on the best ways to survive Judgment Day, if you’re into staying alive: networking, wearing sun screen, being a team player… I’m pretty sure I covered most of the basics.
But must judgment be so unfortunate? Is Skynet’s looming takeover really such a terrible thing? Who knows — our robot rulers might be more gracious than our human overlords.
After the jump, check out five reasons why the robot apocalypse might not be the end of the world — even though it technically will be. Oh well!
The toughest part of life is figuring out what to do every day. Do I go to work? Do I not go to work? Do I fake my death and take some time off? Ugh! So problematic. But with the robots in charge, all of our decisions will be eliminated because all we’ll have to do is stay alive. Harvard or Princeton? Gaga or Britney? Edward or Jacob? Who cares! All is one in the robot world.
Burlap Is In
By my rough calculation, 97% of all people feel awful about how they look all the time, for whatever reason. Even worse, spending money on clothes when you have bills to pay is the root of like 90% of credit card debt (busting out all the hard science here). But when the robo-pocalypse eliminates all of society’s conventions, no one will care about fashion or their hair or wearing the right kind of concealer anymore — instead, we’ll just be trying to find the burlap sack that best covers our body during those awful, awful nuclear winters.
Goodbye to Class Warfare
As the old saying goes, “The rich and the poor have one thing in common: their sternum can’t withstand even one punch from a T-800.” In the future, money won’t matter at all as not even the promise of cold, hard cash can stop a pissed off robot from using your head for target practice. Remember when your mom made you feel bad for not going to law school and becoming a millionaire like your Cousin Lenny? Sounds like someone didn’t know capitalism would be so passe in just a few years.
Get Super Fit
It can be really hard to stick to any kind of diet or exercise regimen, if you want to get in shape. But I’m sure it’ll be easier to run five miles a day when the robot hounds are hot on your trail, or to cut your caloric intake to 1200 when all you have to eat is a patchwork gruel made out of sawdust and rat bones. You may not have a home or a family anymore, but your cheekbones will look fab.
Catch Up On Your Reading
Who had time to dig into “Anna Karenina” before the robots came? Now you can figure out what all the fuss is about. The robots may take my body and my spirit, but they will never take my literacy.
Tell us what parts of the robot apocalypse you’re looking forward to in the comments below or on Twitter!