If there's anyone alive who should be giving us lessons on life and love, it's Russell Brand.
The British comedian and husband of Katy Perry left his pop star wife at home and hit the Academy Awards red carpet with his mother instead. But did having the woman who raised him stop him from an inappropriate on camera interview confrontation with MTV's Josh Horowitz? Don't even dream of it.
Brand has already shared with us his guide to manners, which involved man-on-man kissing, menstrual cycles and job interview techniques, but once Brand was done licking Horowitz's face he had a few more gems to share with us.
Wives should keep their husbands clean
As if having someone lick your face isn't bad enough, Brand was quick to point out that Horowitz should clean his "ear-os" out, or at least have his wife do it for him. "Tell your wife Jessica or Justice or Justine or whatever that b****'s name is to keep you clean!" Brand yelled into the microphone. Sorry for the awkward shout-out, Jenny, but at least Russell Brand knows your name starts with a J!
Mothers are the ones who birth human beings
After the cleaning discussion was wrapped up, Brand was quick to move on to introduce his mother. Not by her name, of course, but rather by a monologue about how she was the one to bring him into this world. "I was created, I lived in there [pointing to his mother's stomach], and then I came out, and now I'm here! Amazing! That happened to all of us! Human beings. We are human beings," Brand explained.
Interview subjects don't like being treated like an "s-e-x object"
Still, it was Brand who felt like a victim at the end of this interview. "I care for Josh, he's a nice man, but he's always looked at me like an object," Brand explained to his mother. "An s-e-x object. And I don't care for that, mum."
Do you agree with any of Brand's life lessons? Let us know in the comments section below or on Twitter!