Angelina Jolie is the butt-kicking star of such blockbusters as “Lara Croft: Tomb Raider,” “Mr. & Mrs. Smith,” “Wanted” and “Salt,” a crusading philanthropist battling poverty and other ills across the world, and one half of the genetically blessed super-couple Brangelina. Pivarnick is a sassy Staten Island-bred bartender, a known associate of people with names like the Situation, Snookie, JWow and DJ Pauly D., and a huge fan of GTL (that’s the sacred trinity of Gym, Tan, Laundry for the “Jersey Shore” uninitiated).
Naturally, we had to wonder what Jolie’s latest film, the mistaken-identity thriller “The Tourist,” would have been like had Pivarnick starred opposite Johnny Depp instead of Jolie. So we re-cut the “Tourist” trailer with one rather massive change: We subbed in Pivarnick for Jolie.
Not shockingly, the result is a completely different cinematic beast, one that includes more household drama than action-packed globetrotting thrills, more mispronounced (and bleeped-out) words than witty banter, more luggage than a royal entourage, more bikinis than elegant gowns, and more cat-fighting, hair-pulling and, well, hair than than any other movie released this year. So all of yous better watch this f***ing hilarious trailer mashup before your daily dose of GTL, OK?
What do you think of our new version of “The Tourist” trailer? Would you pay to see Pivarnick in a big-screen flick? Share your thoughts in the comments!