NBA free agency begins today, and all eyes are on LeBron James. Where will the two-time MVP land?
Head to the Chicago Bulls, and King James will be draining threes under the shadow of Michael Jordan and his six championship rings. While we’re fans of our hometown New York Knicks, LeBron would be insane to move into Madison Square Garden, as the team is sorely lacking in supplementary talent and is overseen by one of the worst owners in professional sports. The New Jersey Nets stink, the Los Angeles Clippers will never be as beloved as the Los Angeles Lakers, and the Cleveland Cavaliers play in Cleveland.
No, we don’t like any of these options. That’s why we’re thinking that when it comes to LeBron’s free agency, the small forward should start thinking outside the box. Here are five basketball teams from Hollywood flicks that would be excellent destinations for King James. (click the image up top to check out our amazing Photoshop treatments)
Everyone’s talking about who LeBron should team up with: Dwayne Wade of the Miami Heat? Derrick Rose of the Bulls? No offense to those All-Stars, but neither guy nor any of their teammates can hold a candle to the Tune Squad in this live action/animated hybrid flick: Michael Jordan, Bill Murray, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and other lovable Looney Toons characters. Those creatures have got bball skills and can deliver LOL-inducing yuks. What else could a future Hall of Famer ask for?
Okay, Hickory High School might be, well, a high school, but a) “Hoosiers” is the greatest basketball movie in the history of the world and b) no team on Earth has ever had a more magical and inspiring run through the playoffs than that ragtag bunch of Indiana schoolboys. And if LeBron is looking for coaching prowess, look no further than Gene Hackman and Dennis Hopper.
Before Lil’ Bow Wow dropped his pint-sized moniker, he found a pair of Michael Jordan’s old sneakers, which imbue the little kid with the abilities of the NBA’s greatest player in history. And just like that, Bow Wow becomes the Los Angeles Knights’ starting point guard. Even if LeBron doesn’t go to the Bulls, he’ll still always be compared to Air Jordan, so why not say, “Screw it,” grab MJ’s shoes and sign on with the Knights?
Hey, maybe there’s a bit too much pressure for King James in the NBA. In which case, he might want to think of taking a page from Jamal Jeffries’ book. In “Juwanna Mann,” Jeffries is the best player in the league until his diva-like behavior gets him suspended indefinitely. His only choice is to dress up like a woman and join the Charlotte Banshees of the WUBA. The idea of LeBron in a wig and some press-on nails is too amazing to give up.
Here’s what we’d like to see: LeBron heading back in time to the mid-’70s glory that was the American Basketball Association. There he’ll find Will Ferrell with an afro and an ownership stake in the Flint Tropics. In lieu of VIP treatment, James will luxuriate in mid-game brawls, pancake theme night and the sight of a camel traipsing around the court — all set to the tunes of Sly & the Family Stone. Don’t say that ain’t the big time!