Kevin Smith Vs. Southwest Air: A Twitter-Wood Special Report

Not since Kevin Smith’s epic Labor Day Q&A of 2009 has the “Clerks” and “Cop Out” director ridden Twitter as hard as he did over Presidents Day Weekend 2010. When Southwest Airlines removed him from a flight from Oakland to Burbank on Saturday because he was deemed “too fat to fly” (Smith’s words), they kicked off an ongoing discussion and rant session that will go down as the stuff of legend in Twitter-Wood.

Since 5:52 PM PST on Saturday, Smith has been diligently sounding off and responding to inquiries on his Twitter account about his weight, how Southwest treated him and what he hopes will happen as a result of his experience. It’s a Twitter-Wood story for the ages, and I’ve retweeted the highlights and edited-together mega-tweets after the jump in a timeline of Smith’s weekend of rage.

The tweet that started it all: (5:52 PM PST Feb 13th) @ThatKevinSmith Dear @SouthwestAir – I know I’m fat, but was Captain Leysath really justified in throwing me off a flight for which I was already seated?

(5:54-6:10 PM Feb 13th) Dear @SouthwestAir, I flew out in one seat, but right after issuing me a standby ticket, Oakland Southwest attendant Suzanne (wouldn’t give last name) told me Captain Leysath deemed me a “safety risk”. Again: I’m way fat… But I’m not THERE just yet. But if I am, why wait til my bag is up, and I’m seated WITH ARM RESTS DOWN. In front of a packed plane with a bunch of folks who’d already I.d.ed me as “Silent Bob.” So, @SouthwestAir, go f–k yourself. I broke no regulation, offered no “safety risk” (what, was I gonna roll on a fellow passenger?). I was wrongly ejected from the flight (even Suzanne eventually agreed). And f–k your apologetic $100 voucher, @SouthwestAir. Thank God I don’t embarrass easily (bless you, JERSEY GIRL training). But I don’t sulk off either: so everyday, some new f–k-you Tweets for @SouthwestAir. Wanna tell me I’m too wide for the sky? Totally cool. But fair warning, folks: IF YOU LOOK LIKE ME, YOU MAY BE EJECTED FROM @SOUTHWESTAIR.

(6:41 PM) Dear @SouthwestAir, I’m on another one of your planes, safely seated & buckled-in again, waiting to be dragged off in front of the normies.

(6:44 PM) And, hey? @SouthwestAir? I didn’t even need a seat belt extender to buckle up. Somehow, that s–t fit over my “safety concern”-creating gut.

(6:56 PM) Hey @SouthwestAir! Sometimes, the arm rests are up because THE PEOPLE SITTING THERE ALREADY PUT THEM UP; NOT BECAUSE THEY “CAN’T GO DOWN.”

(6:59 PM) The @SouthwestAir Diet. How it works: you’re publicly shamed into a slimmer figure. Crying the weight right off has never been easier!

(1:01 PM Feb 14th) Via @dolcevita13 “you should sue” I don’t want their $; just want to call attention 2 their policy so large folks think twice before buying.

(1:34 PM) Dear F—tarded PR-Challenged Fatty-Haters at @SouthwestAir: Your “apology” blog is insulting, redacted bulls–t. FULL details in two hours.

(2:56 PM) Via @ABAwesome “What would Gretzky do?” Call @SouthwestAir “…a Mickey Mouse organization.” Then assist in Olypmic-torching their asses.

(3:42 PM) HAHAHAHA! Some pilot on TwiTLive wrote in with “insider info” inferring I might’ve been drunk. That’s really, really funny.

(3:45 PM) But for the record? I wasn’t drunk or stoned. But also for the record? On SWA flight home, I refused the alcoholic beverage I was offered.

(3:49-3:50 PM) Via @markdtaylor ” @SouthWestAir should have realized who the hell you were” You ain’t s–tting, sir: because who I am is a paying customer. And not just ANY paying customer: a paying customer who fit between the arm rests & was able to buckle his seat belt w/o an extender. TRUTH!

(4:06-4:07 PM) (1/2) @Sweetwagner “why wasn’t something said before the plane was boarded?” Right? Why even give me the ticket and let me board? They threw their pilot right under the landing gear in their “apology” with “Cap’s call, Fatty.” Even a Fatty don’t roll on a friendly like that.

(9:17-9:20 PM) (1/2) @jacqueline_mary “good timing for @southwestair debacle! cop out in 2 weeks. thank them for the publicity” Yes – THAT’S how I want to sell my movie: “Hi! I’m the fat-ass, hack-ass, loud-mouth clown who dresses like a 12 yr old & is Too Fat To Fly. Go see COP OUT!” Sometimes it baffles me how little people think things through. “Free publicity!” = 200 new articles declaring I’m fat. Yay, me. Epic win.

(6:30-6:45 AM Feb 15th) Had three seats/whole row for me & Jen. She skipped SF, so I went solo checked in and was given the 2 tix there & return 2 (for that p.m.). Going out, even with 2 tix, I only sat in one seat, sleeping against window, w/empty seat between me and follow passenger. Coming back would have been the same, at 7pm. But I got to the airport early enough to try to bump-up my flight to 5:20 – a practice @SouthwestAir does often. I was told 5:20 flight was packed, but I could go Standby. They sent me to gate. Told lady whole story, and she said there wouldn’t be two seats on that earlier flight. I said I only needed one seat & that I didn’t buy an extra seat because I’m fat (which I am), but because I’m anti-social and didn’t want to sit next to someone & possibly have to make convo (in person, I’m very shy). She said she understood. I was issued the solo ticket. I get on the plane: open seat in the front row. Put my bag away, the sit between two ladies. As I’m about to buckle my extender-less seatbelt, the woman who issued the ticket to me appeared in the doorway of the plane, came over to me and said the Captain said I wasn’t going to be allowed to sit there because I was a safety risk. I asked for clarification and was given none (also asked “Please don’t do this” but that, too, fell on deaf ears. Ladies on either side said I wasn’t a problem. SWA-lady said arm-rests the decider. Arm-rests come down, and voila! I’m legit! I’ve passed the stinkin’ arm-rest-test. And still, the lady asks me to get up and come with her off the plane. I get up without a fuss at all, quietly grab my bag, make eye contact with a fellow Fatty who was praying he’d pass, and leave. You think I wanna f–k around on an airplane? I was right: I fit in that seat. But I can’t risk not complying: I’m more afraid of AirFeds.

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