Add These Glorious Cinematic Gifts To Your Christmas Wish List

Christmas is almost upon us, and if you haven’t checked everything and everyone off your holiday shopping list, you’re a terrible person. We kid! But seriously: nothing says “You’re important to me” like a last-minute trip to the mall for scented candles or your third consecutive pair of Christmas mittens.

We’ve all gotten those crappy goodies during less-than-memorable family get-togethers, just as we’ve all been given those prezzies that are so superlative they make our hearts sing. And you know who gets the best gifts of all? People in the movies. Before you check under the tree this year to see if your loved ones think you’ve been naughty or nice, check out our picks for the best presents in movie history.

Power-lacing Nikes (“Back to the Future Part II”)
Fact: there are no cooler kicks in all of cinema than the auto-lacing Nike high tops Marty McFly slips on in the year 2015. They’re a handout from wild-eyed scientist Doc Brown, who wants his young sidekick to fit in as he traipses around downtown Hill Valley. And we really, really want a pair. Nike actually released a limited edition series of Hyperdunks modeled on McFly’s sneaks, but they weren’t equipped with the power laces, which is like manufacturing a pink Mattel hoverboard that doesn’t coast along on a cushion of air. Not cool! Considering 2015 is now just half a decade away, we fully expect these Nikes to exit the realm of fiction and enter our local Footlocker shortly.

Buzz Lightyear (The “Toy Story” films)
Some purists might say the best present in these Pixar films is Woody the pull-string cowboy. Not likely. Our money’s on Buzz, the catchphrase-spouting, martial arts-trained, folded wing-enhanced space man. This is exactly the kind of toy every elementary school kid would kill for, even if to adults it seems fairly lame. And yeah, he actually comes to life, which is fairly badass, and he speaks in the voice of Tim Allen… which is actually kind of lame. On second thought, perhaps we should go with TurboMan from “Jingle All the Way.” Watching Arnold Schwarzenegger fight Sinbad gives us the giggles.

Red Ryder BB Gun (“A Christmas Story”)
An actual weapon might not be a socially acceptable gift in 2009, but back in the early ’80s when this movie was made, it was totally fine. Truth is, boys like guns, none more so than little Ralphie Parker. Who cares about an incapacitating fear of shooting yourself in the face when you can imagine the feel of the rifle in your hands? Ralphie overcomes his phobia, nearly does shoot out his eyeball, and then falls asleep at the end never knowing that when it comes to Christmas presents, it’ll all gonna be downhill from here.

Twinkies (“Zombieland”)
Let’s say the apocalypse arrives this Christmas season instead of St. Nick. Hordes of flesh-munching ghoulies overrun America, burning and looting all our most sacred capitalistic pleasures. Let’s say all you really want, much like Woody Harrelson in this horror/comedy, is the spongy tube of cream-filled glory known as a Twinkie? You can drive across the country slaying the walking dead for weeks, but a little part of your soul dies every time you go searching for your favorite treat and come up empty handed. And then one of your partners in zombie killing finds one. That look of pure joy crossing your face as you take a bite? That’s the feeling every gift-giver should aspire to inspire this holiday season.

Invisibility Cloak (The “Harry Potter” franchise)
A) Invisibility is among the dopest superpowers out there. B) Few things are more touching than a child receiving the cherished property of a deceased parent. So Harry’s cloak is a Christmas twofer of unbridled joy. It also comes in handy throughout Harry’s adventures. That’s all well and good for the boy wizard, but we mainly want one because, yeah, invisibility is dope. Until Clark Kent hands over his cape, we’ll politely continue to ask Harry for his outerwear.