The Hollywood Reporter caught a glimpse of Baldwin’s upcoming interview with Men’s Journal, in which the actor reportedly remarked, “I don’t have any interest in acting anymore … Movies are a part of my past. It’s been 30 years. I’m not young, but I have time to do something else.”
Baldwin, who plans to continue his role on “30 Rock” for a few years before retiring, has previously talked about a potential political future, but he certainly has his options when it comes to the job market. After all, who wouldn’t want to hire Baldwin for their son’s Bar Mitzvah or as a cruise ship singer?
But Baldwin shouldn’t limit himself to those options — here are five other jobs that he’d excel at.
I always thought that Alec Baldwin would do a great job in a film adaptation of “Dog the Bounty Hunter,” but with acting out of the way, why not jump into the real thing? He’s got the menacing physique and the even more bone-chilling voice required to scare any bail-skippers and debt-ridden lowlifes right out of hiding and directly into a prison cell.
Plus, I bet Baldwin would look great in a leather bodysuit with ridiculous blonde hair extensions. That’s required dress code for all bounty hunters, right? Non-“Star Wars” bounty hunters, at any rate.
Baldwin would make for a fine school teacher, but he’d have an even better time working at a summer camp. Why is that, you ask? Well, in today’s school system, you can’t exactly get away with passive-aggressively pegging a misbehaved student with rubber dodgeballs to soothe your pent-up rage. For camp counselors, however, that’s an expected part of the job.
On top of that, don’t you think Baldwin would make for a hilarious camping trip leader? I’m sure he’s got plenty of amazing ghost stories to tell while roasting marshmallows on an open fire.
FORTUNE COOKIE WRITER
While Baldwin could easily parlay his acting career into a job as a screenwriter or playwright, it seems that he’s looking to steer clear of show business all together. Perhaps he should consider another artistic endeavor: fortune cookie writing. I don’t know about you, but I’ve noticed a real decline in quality when it comes to the fortunes in my cookies.
If Baldwin put out his own brand of unique, signature fortune cookies — all of which could come with a Baldwin-branded audio clip — the world would be a much better place.
SHRIMP BOAT FIRST MATE
I’m not ready to say that Alec Baldwin would be a better shrimp boat captain than Forrest Gump, but he’d probably fill in nicely for Lieutenant Dan. Dan’s bad attitude and lack of mobility would probably have frustrated someone without Forrest’s patience. Baldwin, on the other hand, has the boisterous presence required to command a boatload of shrimpers, and without the baggage of a traumatic Vietnam experience.
Besides, there’s probably no better place for Baldwin than the wide open ocean to determine whether or not he’ll sink or swim without Hollywood in his life. Plus, as he so adamantly stated in “Malice,” that classic ’90s thriller, “I am never sick at sea.”
Look, I’m not saying that Alec Baldwin is evil or anything, and it’s not like the world needs more bad guys, given the wealth of terrorists, corrupt politicians and other such villains. What I might be down with, however, is a megalomaniac super-villain fully equipped with crazy superpowers, especially if that role is assumed by Baldwin. He already plays a veritable Lex Luthor on “30 Rock,” albeit with fewer world-ending plots in his toolkit and a redemptive streak of kindness in his black, network exec’s heart. But a magnetically-charged or psychically-gifted Baldwin using his powers for selfish, money-grubbing means strikes me as more hilarious than terrifying. Plus, wouldn’t it be awesome to hear him quote “Malice” and mean it? “You ask me if I have a God-complex? Let me tell you something: I am God.”
What if the rest of the Baldwin brothers had superpowers as well? The world might not be a better or safer place, but it would be a more ridiculous one.
What professions should Alec Baldwin pursue once he quits acting? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter!