Moses To Free The Hebrews From Slavery, Sparta-Style

All things weird just got a little bit more normal this morning, because this latest news blows them all away. The story of Moses is pretty well-known at this point. If you didn’t get it through your religious studies and you didn’t pick it up in Cecil B. Demille’s Charlton Heston-starring classic “The Ten Commandments,” then you probably at least got the broad strokes from DreamWorks Animation’s “Prince of Egypt.” The short version: the Hebrews, slaves in the Pharaoh’s Egypt, a rescued from servitude after Moses — backed up by the Lord Almighty — brings 10 plagues down upon the Egyptian people. There are also some important bits about the Red Sea parting and the Ten Commandments, but that’s the basic gist of the story.

Now comes word that Fox has picked up a pitch for a re-telling of this popular Bible story, a sexier, more action-packed telling in the vein of “300,” according to Variety. The story would open with the infant Moses’ brush with death and follow the story through to his freeing of the Hebrews, presumably ending at some point after the pursuing Pharaoh and his army are drowned in the Red Sea.

Yeah, this is a weird one. At least Fox has the right writers for the job. Perhaps you remember a San Diego Comic-Con report from this past summer on “Wanted” director Timur Bekmambetov’s upcoming adaptation of “Moby Dick”? In his version of the story, written by Adam Cooper and Bill Collage, the whale is a “creature with supernatural abilities” and its hunters a similarly empowered. Odd, right?

If there’s anyone who’s well-equipped to turn the story of Moses into an epic, green screen-effects heavy action flick, it’s Cooper and Collage. It takes a special kind of creativity to envision Captain Ahab’s legendary white whale as a sort of undersea X-Man. If the writing duo can dream that up and make it work — which, of course, remains to be seen — then sexing up the story of Moses ought to be a piece of cake for them.

Are you into the idea of the Book of Exodus on steroids? Find it mildly blasphemous? Outrageously blasphemous?