Although he's hardly as well known today as he was back in the '90s, Macaulay Culkin is nonetheless one of the most memorable child actors of our time -- but today is Culkin's 29th birthday, which makes it almost twenty years since "Home Alone" first hit theaters. Aside from feeling incredibly old, the time lapse got me thinking: whatever happened to Kevin McCallister?
No, I'm not talking about Culkin himself, who is still acting thanks to projects like "Saved!" and "Kings." Even if I don't know where he is specifically, I have an idea of where Culkin is as an actor -- but what I'd really like to know is, where would his "Home Alone" alter-ego be today? Whatever happened to Richie Rich? Where are these iconic characters on their 29th birthdays?
Sadly, we'll never know the answers... but that's not stopping me from wondering! If I had to guess, this is how I'd bet my five favorite Culkin characters turned out by age 29...
1. MILES RUSSELL ("Uncle Buck"): The John Hughes-penned Miles is an interesting character to ponder, particularly because he only existed under Uncle Buck's supervision for a short while -- on film, that is. I'd like to think that there were several other visits from Buck, with some of his less-than-desirable personality traits rubbing off on young Miles, who eventually became teenage Miles, who later became young adult Miles before becoming big, fat Uncle Miles. At 29 years old, Uncle Miles -- or Uncle Muck, his preferred name -- isn't quite ready to babysit his sister Tia's kids. Let's check in ten years from now, shall we?
2. KEVIN MCCALLISTER ("Home Alone" Series): After his experiences defending his home in Chicago and his uncle's apartment in New York City from the devious Wet/Sticky Bandits, Kevin McCallister proved himself the Doogie Howser of self defense. Two decades after his childhood encounters, McCallister is now serving as a freelance security contractor both at home and abroad. He'll go wherever his lucrative business -- or an incorrect plane ride -- takes him. (And, yes, I'm ignoring all post-"Home Alone 2: Lost in New York" continuity. Shame on you, French Stewart.)
3. THOMAS JAY SENNETT ("My Girl"): Well, uh... spoiler alert... he's dead. Stupid bees.
4. HENRY EVANS ("The Good Son"): Like Thomas Jay, this Culkin character met an unfortunate end as well -- though, admittedly, he kind of got what was coming to him. But true evil never rests, as is the case with young Henry Evans. The decomposed, zombified body of this would-be Damien arose shortly after his demise to seek vengeance on his pesky Elijah Wood-resembling cousin -- only to be dropped once more from a ledge by his mother, this time into a vat of molten lead. He's currently chilling in Hell with the T-1000.
5. RICHIE RICH ("Ri¢hie Ri¢h"): Sadly, the years haven't been kind to young Richie Rich. After it was revealed that the Rich family's United Tool was founded on a Bernie Madoff-inspired Ponzi scheme, young Richie, his parents and butler Herbert Cadbury gathered up their belongings and disappeared into the depths of Mount Richmore. To date, the confiscated Dadlink has been unable to locate Richie or his compatriots, though Professor Keenbean remains hard at work on the search effort.
Where do you think Macaulay Culkin's cast of characters would be at 29 years of age? Leave your thoughts and birthday wishes for Mr. Culkin in the comments section!