In case you haven’t heard, the powers that be blessed us with Robert Pattinson twenty-three years ago today. In other words, “Happy 23rd Birthday RPattz!”
I can’t physically give Robert a present, because a) I don’t know him and b) sending him a cupcake with a special message would seem really creepy. Instead, I’ve decided to create a list in his honor. What is this great list you may ask? Well, I’m going to write up 23 reasons why I’m thankful for RPattz.
As you can imagine, thinking up 23 reasons why you’re thankful for someone can be quite difficult, especially when you’ve never met the person, but I found it pretty easy to dream up reasons why my pop cultured/boy-crazy life – not to mention my bulletin board and my desktop – would be super boring if Robert wasn’t born in grand old England all those years ago. So without further adieu, I would like to present you, my fellow “Twilight” fans, these 23 reasons why we should all be thankful for Robert Pattinson:
23: I’m thankful that he won’t think I’m a weirdo (I hope) if he ever reads this blog post. (wink wink)
22: He’s friends with Camilla Bell, who’s dating Joe Jonas. The possibility that RPattz jams with a Jonas Brother is something we should all be thankful for.
21: He can totally pwn Harry Potter and kick Voldemort’s ass. Voldemort did have Cedric/RPattz murdered by Peter Pettigrew, but he had to die and be unavailable for future installments of Harry Potter, right? Robert wouldn’t have had any time to be in “Twilight” and a Harry Potter/Cedric Diggory spinoff wouldn’t be as awesome.
20: He likes to read. See everyone! Reading is fundamental!
19: He has a nice accent.
18: He always has that brooding look. It’s like he’s in pain but deep in thought at the same time. It’s kind of amazing.
17: His astrological sign is Taurus, which mean he’s dependable, romantic, passionate, and thoughtful. ‘Nuff said.
16: According to an interview with the LA Times, coughing makes him cry. Since I have asthma, coughing makes me cry too. We’re a match made in heaven.
15: He has his own grungy, laid-back style. He makes beanie hats look good.
14: Robert seems like a normal dude, someone you can have a nice chat with. He doesn’t come off like one of those Hollywood player types, which is probably why so many women are crushing on him. Remember last November when he said he hadn’t kissed a girl in a while? That’s pretty hard to believe, but it’s cute that he doesn’t know he’s gorgeous.
13: He smells like roses. Of course I don’t really know if he does or not, but he definitely doesn’t stink! Take that, haters!
12: He aspires to be like acting great Jack Nicholson. I aspire to be Jack Nicholson during my spare time too.
11: When he made his first appearance in “Twilight” and entered the cafeteria, he made us all wish that we lived in some rainy town with vampires running rampant in the woods. Sure it sounds scary, but none of that mattered as long as we could see Robert during lunch period. It made me yearn for my high school days. Oh the memories!
10: He can talk about his underwear, his toenails, and his not-so-stellar running ability on camera and still make the ladies swoon. I mean how many other heartthrobs would be willing to talk about those topics? Yeah. None.
9: If his vampire skills ever fail him, he can always resort to his expertise in wizardry. Which makes him lethal with a wooden stick.
8: He can wear a curly cue mustache as the bizarre Salvador Dali in “Little Ashes” and still look hot.
7: He plays Edward Cullen, the sparkly immortal, who for many women is the perfect boyfriend (minus the blood sucking vampire part).
6: He can sing (swoon) really well. (You had “Never Think” on repeat! Admit it!)
5: He has the ability to look like this with a cigarette in his mouth.
4: He managed to turn the words “spider monkey” into a term of endearment. He can call me spider monkey any day.
3: His hair. Whether it’s short, long, unruly, or perfectly styled, he has FANTASTIC hair.
2: He is so awkward and seemingly shy during all of his interviews that you just want to sit him down, give him a hug and say, “It’s going to be alright. The camera won’t eat you.” That awkwardness/goofiness makes him so endearing. It’s part of his charm.
(DRUM ROLL PLEASE)
1. I know Robert is here to stay, which means I have something to occupy my time for years to come. With his upcoming projects and the rest of the flicks from the “Twilight” saga coming out in theaters, I won’t have time to twiddle my thumbs. Crushing on RPattz is like the Best. Hobby. Ever!
I challenge you fellow Robert Pattinson lovers out there to add to this list, or make a list of your own. Share them here!