‘Tales Of Beedle The Bard’ Gets Us Thinking About Fictional Books We’d Love To Read

J.K. Rowling announced on Thursday (July 31) that “Tales of Beedle the Bard,” her brief fictional stories about wizarding within her longer, fictional stories about wizarding, would finally go on sale this Christmas. Here at MTV there was, of course, much rejoicing at this news.

It also got us thinking. Turns out a lot of us here are suckers for the kind of meta-fiction “Tales of Beedle the Bard” represents, what with it being a pretend work getting a real release. But why stop there? We came up with a list of the top five fictional books we’d like to really read next.

“Old Custer” by Eli Cash ( “The Royal Tenenbaums” )

Everyone knows Custer died at Little Bighorn. What this revolutionary book presupposes is … maybe he didn’t? Brilliant. And, besides, book openings don’t get better than this: “The crickets and the rust-beetles scuttled among the nettles of the sage thicket. ’Vámonos, amigos,’ he whispered, and threw the busted leather flintcraw over the loose weave of the saddlecock. And they rode on in the friscalating dusklight.”

“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” by multiple contributors
( “HGTTG” )

A wholly remarkable book that could help you make a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, find out the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything, and even give you tips on scoring with Eccentrica Gallumbits, the “triple-breasted whore of Eroticon 6.” The publication of this book to soon be followed, we hope, by Oolon Colluphid’s blockbuster trilogy: “Where God Went Wrong,” “Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes” and “Who is This God Person Anyway?”

“Now It Can Be Told and Other Works” by Kilgore Trout (various Kurt Vonnegut novels)

The greatest and most prolific science-fiction author of this century, Kilgore Trout had more good ideas in a day than most authors have in a lifetime. Pity he lived through most of his life unloved and unread. Someone out there needs to change that.

“A Coffee Table Book About Coffee Tables” by Cosmo Kramer
( “Seinfeld” )

Not only a great book, it folds out to become its own coffee table.

“Hogwarts: A History” by unknown author and “A History of Magic” by Bathilda Bagshot ( “Harry Potter” )

Now that we’ve got “Tales of Beedle the Bard,” why stop there? If we’re ever going to get J.K. Rowling’s long-promised Harry Potter encyclopedia, chances are it’ll come in the form of one of these two fictional works. They can’t come soon enough.

Other works considered: “Necronomicon” (H.P. Lovecraft), “Handbook for the Recently Deceased” (“Beetlejuice”), “A Match Made in Space” (“Back to the Future”), “The Secret Goldfish” (“The Catcher in the Rye”), “Under the Hood” (“Watchmen”).

Agree with our choices? What fictional book would you like to actually be able to own next? Sound off on your thoughts below.