Donald Rumsfeld: You go the movies with the cast you have, not the cast you wish you had … but if we had just one wish, it would be for the two-time secretary of defense to be played by Tommy Lee Jones, that master of controlled rage, whose eyes hide a thousand secrets and regrets.
Colin Powell: Jeffrey Wright, the role is yours. You break it, you buy it.
Dick Cheney: We actually like Paul Giamatti for the role of the VP, although rumor has it that the “Sideways” star is already attached to play Karl Rove. With him out of the way, take your best shot, David Huddleston. David Huddleston? What if I said he played Jeffrey Lebowski in “The Big Lebowski.”
Paul Wolfowitz: U.S. deputy secretary of defense. Warmonger. Hair licker. Sam Waterston, you’ve just been promoted from your position as New York City district attorney.
Condoleezza Rice: Nobody could have anticipated that my choice for the secretary of state would be Angela Bassett, although I don’t truthfully recall when it was that I had the conversation that pre-empted this choice.
Katherine Harris: Actually, there’s already a Katherine Harris movie in the works called “Recount” with Laura Dern as the erstwhile secretary of state of Florida. I know it’s clichéd and whatnot to pick on the woman, but seriously, she strikes me as a crazy person. Just go all the way, Oliver, and nab Ana Gasteyer from “SNL.”
Sammy Sosa: Hall of Fame slugger traded by the Texas Rangers for a bag of magic beans while W was their owner. He should be played by Sammy Sosa.
Who are we missing? Ashcroft? Al Gore? Lynndie England? Sound off below!