Name one that’s worse…”Superman” had a dud or two but come on. “Batman”? We’re a long way from the nipple days now thanks to Chris Nolan. “Swamp Thing”? Come on, that doesn’t count. And at least it had Adrienne Barbeau. Michael Chiklis, you are no Barbeau.
Nope…”Fantastic Four” is THE worst superhero movie franchise ever.
The thought occurred to me this morning as I walked to work (no craptacular Fantasticar in MTV’s budget just yet!) and recalled the several times my eyelids fell when I viewed “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” last week.
I love superhero movies. From “Superman” to “Batman” to frickin’ “Howard the Duck” and “The Rocketeer,” I love them. I loved them when I was a kid and I love them as I careen towards old age (or my mid-30s…same difference). So why does “Fantastic Four” suck so damn badly? Not to be trite or anything, but I think I know the answer…it’s EVERYTHING. Or just about everything I should say.
The casting: So many miscues…so little time. I actually like Ioan Gruffudd. I’ve interviewed the guy and he’s personable with a wry sense of humor. But slap that silly suit and accent on him and dear God I need a nap. Julian McMahon? Don’t get me started. Does Andre Braugher really need to work this badly?
The tone: A mess. Neither funny nor thrilling, these films are so slight they barely feel like complete movies. Name one legitimate laugh. One thrilling sequence. How about one character you actually care about?
The effects: Amateur hour. I’ll give you the Silver Surfer. There’s a moment or two of “gee-whiz” cool with him. But on the other end of the spectrum I give you six horrendous words: Mr. Fantastic on the dance floor.
I could go on but I don’t want to make myself cry. Actually here’s one more truly horrifying aspect of the franchise to consider…it WILL continue. I promise you. An opening weekend that surpassed that of the first film ensures that.
Look I understand these films are meant for a family audience but does 20th Century Fox hate families so much to assume this stands for entertainment?
Am I as deranged as Victor von Doom or as wise as Reed Richards? Is “Fantastic Four” the worst superhero franchise of all time or not? Comment below!