Unearthed! ‘Mummy’ Director’s Letter To Maria Bello

“The Mummy 3″ is all set to go now with the re-casting of the lead female role portrayed by Rachel Weisz in the first two installments. Maria Bello has signed on for the part. Not to be outdone in the scoopage, MTV has come across the letter “Mummy 3″ director Rob Cohen penned to Bello to entice her to his cause. Enjoy!

Dearest Maria,

RC here! We haven’t talked since that “xXx” audition a few years back. Let me just apologize one more time. We totally should have given you some background on that project before you came in to meet. If it’s any consolation, it was awkward for all of us in that room when you discussed your “preparation.”

Anyway, lady have I got a humdinger of a project for you?!? Don’t bother answering. I do. Let me ask you something? How would you like to star in one of the biggest franchises this side of “The Fast and the Furious?” Yeah, I started that one too. If name-dropping were a crime, call the RC guilty!

I’m speaking of course about “The Mummy.” Now I don’t know if you caught the first two installments of the series (to be perfectly honest I haven’t either but my team says they’re crazy wicked!) but Universal recently brought me aboard for the latest. Seems that the director of the first two, Stephen Sommers, was otherwise occupied. But hey, his loss is my gain and anytime I get the hand-me-downs of the director of “Van Helsing,” I am in!

So how does this pertain to you, right? Well, we’ve got our big-time leading man back for this one, Brendan Fraser. I don’t know if you’ve seen “Dudley Do-Right” recently but do yourself a favor and pop that sucker in the ol’ DVD player. Star power up the wazoo! And I’ve worked with Paul Walker so I know what I’m talking about.

So Fraser is in. But we’re missing the Y to his X chromosome. The role of his beloved fellow adventurer was played before by an actress of some repute. I don’t want to sound petty or speak out of turn so I won’t go into detail, but apparently some woman whose name rhymes with “Nachel Fleisz” thinks an Oscar means she shouldn’t have to roll around in the desert no more.

So Bello baby, let me come right to it. I want you! “History of Violence?” Unbelievable! “Assault on Precinct 13?” I almost signed up for the force that day! You’re the only one for this, Bello! Think of it: Summer blockbuster! Action and adventure! Do you know what sequels make? Ahem, try to Fandango Spidey-3. Go ahead, try!

That’s my best pitch, little lady. Make this director’s dream come true. I made a dragon sound like Sean Connery. I will make you a bankable star. Come on!


Rob Cohen


We’ll pay you a crazy-town boatload of cash.