Think you have what it takes to hang with the “Rivals II” crew? Well, if you’re gonna go toe-to-toe with Johnny Bananas and the gang, you need to make sure you’re on top of your “Challenge” etiquette first. So what’s a person gotta do to impress a vet these days? Gather ’round, break out the monogrammed Under Armor and rip a page out of our “Rivals” handbook — we’ll have you acting like a “Challenge” champ in six easy steps.
The Challengers always throw down in style.
WEAR…colorful harem pants (like ya girl, Emily). That way, if you need to restrain one of your roomies during an epic meltdown, your day-glo derriere will be immortalized until the end of the time. Oh, and don’t forget this season’s hottest fashion accessory: the Jonna headband! (Hey, even her frenemies are sporting it.)
How do you think Cara Maria got these guns? Protein shakes, dude.
EAT AND DRINK…as much as humanly possible. Protein for strength, alcohol for sanity and water for all the wicked morning-after hangovers.
Now this is the face of a pro trash-talker.
TALK…major s**t. When you’re on a “Challenge,” talkin’ smack is part of the game…and nobody does it quite like CT or Wes. Even though they won the last men’s Jungle and solidified their place in the final three, they wasted no time tearing into Old Man Bananas for his poor performance. Last time we checked, CT and Wes weren’t exactly spring chickens, but clearly that hasn’t stopped them from stirring up some s**t.
TRUST…no one but your partner (unless your partner is Trishelle). Alliances are fleeting, so the only one you can really count on is that guy (or gal) who’s playing with you for the big bucks. But remember: You don’t have to be BFFs. Your teammate just has to love the idea of winning more than they hate the idea of working with you. So, could you (temporarily) bury the hatchet for a whole lotta Benjamins? Hey, if Knight can appreciate Preston’s good showing, anything’s possible.
Hooking up is fun, but staying on “The Challenge” for more than one week is funner.
SLEEP…alone, or only with people you don’t deem relationship material. Falling in love on “The Challenge” is the kiss of death! Hookups may help keep you from getting bored, but they won’t keep you off the chopping block. And if you don’t believe us, just call that chick Anastasia. (No, seriously, call her. We hear she’s got spare time.)
What’s a little friendly massaging between “Rivals”?
ACT…like there’s no one watching. Cameras, shmameras! It’s not a “lie” if you believe it — and never mind the millions of people watching at home who’d say otherwise. Remember when CT explained the impromptu massage he gave Cooke as a way of flirting with Diem? Uh, whatever you say, champ! But if y’all still think dude’s good enough for D, we’ll keep our fingers crossed — at least for one more week. Here’s to hopin’, right?
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