If you've ever dreamed of riding shotgun in an overheated car while a first-generation Sicilian with an insatiable appetite for authentic Italian food (grilled baby octopus, specifically), wine (disguised as coffee) and women (married ones, in particular) gives a tour of his favorite Staten Island haunts, this video is for you. And everyone else. In it, Vinny Guadagnino's Uncle Nino -- one crazy motherf***ker (pardon, there's simply no other term that fits) -- eats, drinks and tans his face off after pointing out the scene of a past love affair and narrowly avoiding an accident with a bus. You may want to wear a helmet for this.
As Nino guides us through his daily routine -- referred to by him as Gym, Tanning, Octopus -- we are reminded that it's never too early to begin Happy Hour (if you don't work) and that everyone looks better in a velour tracksuit (especially if you rock a gangsta limp).
Below, check out what happens when you ask Staten Island's most notorious senior citizen to see the sights but you accidentally overstay your welcome.
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