Rob Dyrdek has taught us so many things over the years, from what it means to love a Big man to how the awesomeness of being a kid can live on within a “Fantasy Factory.” However, when it comes to cautionary tales, there is no finer teaching tool than Rob’s crowning glory: the ode to accidents we call “Ridiculousness.” Each week, we’ll pass along the three most valuable life lessons handed down by Rob and his crew in order to keep you safe, sound and off of this show.
On last night’s episode, DC Shoes co-founder Ken Block gave his insight on how not to die of either accident or embarrassment, and we better listen up, because the rally car driver knows exactly how to avoid crashing and burning.
Life Lesson #1: When death looks you in the face, run!
You never know when you’ll bite the dust for good, so it’s best to have an exit strategy when the Grim Reaper comes a knockin’. Whether you’re about to be ground into hamburger meat by a runaway truck, or smashed into smithereens by a rogue car while chillin’ at the gas station, make sure you’re quick on your feet to avoid meeting your maker. Sure, death will find you eventually, but if we’ve learned anything from “Final Destination,” it’s that you’ll buy a decent amount of time making all those sequels, first.
Life Lesson #2: Always test your equipment before the camera starts rolling.
We all end up with faulty goods once in a while. Sometimes, a midnight snack goes south when you realize, in your hunger-fueled haste, that you’ve purchased Dr. Sniper and a bag of Darnitos by accident. With food it’s not a death sentence, but when you’re entrusting the safety of your entire body to the products you buy, make sure you’re working with top-notch merch. So, check that vaulting pole for cracks, make sure you know the diving board’s weight limit before you start your big-bodied bouncing and, no matter how cool you think your hydraulics are, remember that your car’s like a turtle: If it’s on its back, it’s over.
Life Lesson #3: Your teeth are among the most valuable parts of your face.
It’s weird to think that there are exposed bones jutting out all over the inside of our mouths. It’s even weirder that we use those bones to mash up our food and ham it up for photos, but just because teeth are a bizarre evolutionary trait doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be careful with ’em. To avoid spending the rest of your life with a retired hockey player grin or selling organs to pay off your dentist, we suggest the following: Learn how to recoil before firing weapons, listen to the jerks at the community pool when they tell you not to run and remember to leave the head-first shallow diving to the people from Life Lesson #1.
+ What other lessons did you learn from last night’s episode? Let us know in the comments!
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