The 'ANTM' Axe Beheads Two Amateur Snooki Impersonators

Kristin Cavallari popped up on "America's Next Top Model" earlier this season, but evidently the show was still in the market for some MTV talent on last night's episode, as Tyra Banks challenged the aspiring cover girls to pose as none other than Snooki. And, well, they sort of sucked. There were five voluminous "Jersey Shore" poufs atop five motorcycles (because...?), but each pretty much fell flat, and Bianca and Kayla were eliminated for their lack of guidette authenticity.

We can't hold it against the girls for coming up short. Nicole Polizzi is a figure that no amount of back-arching or hands-to-hippage can directly replicate. And since we're in the know, and we'd hate for the girls' time as Snooks to be time wasted, we've come up with some advice on how to handle the challenge should it ever present itself again.

Allison (above): The girl with a nosebleed fascination (uhhh...) should have put her thirst for blood to good use! If she'd delivered a couple of quick fists to the bike operator's eye or mouth, we'd certainly be headed in the right direction.

Kayla: WHAT?! She got eliminated? She's the only one who looks drunk! If character sincerity was what the judges were looking for, they made a dire, dire mistake. We're actually concerned she's a sharp corner away from falling backwards onto a manhole. So what's the problem?

Bianca: The other casualty of the night. We don't really see what's wrong with this one either, except for the much too conservative wardrobe. Show some skin, B!

Dominique: Snooki's had one or two rough spills, but we think even she would know it's a little counterproductive to stand on a motorcycle. If Dominique's so desperate to get to Karma before close, she should sit the hell down and stop trying to eclipse the driver's view of the road.

Shannon: We're surprised the contestant that's closest with Jesus didn't spontaneously combust when she was challenged by impersonating a "Shore" cast member, but we've got to give her points for being the only fist-pumper of the evening. That one's for you, Lord!

+ OK, so none of the girls really matched up to our meatball, but whose photo was your favorite?

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Photos courtesy of The CW

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VMAs 2018