Why Last Week's J. Shore Was The Best. Episode. Ever!

Last week's Jersey Shore had it all: intrigue, betrayal and, of course, liquid lunches! From the awkward meet-the-parents moments to the worst decision of all time (ahem, ahem, Vinny), we've come up with five solid reasons as to why Episode 5 was the best ever. (Well, six if you count the fuggedaboutit boat.)

Reason No. 1: The boys cook Snooki a sorry-you-got-punched-in-the-face dinner consisting of ... crustaceans and corn on the cob. Sadly, she's not able to actually partake in any of it on account of having been SOCKED IN THE JAW less than 24 hours earlier. Remember??? C'mon, Sitch, try and stay with us.

Reason No. 2: Ronnie's mommy admits she'd rather be "getting [her] tan on" than hanging out with her son's new love interest. At least the woman's got priorities.

Reason No. 3: Shnickers reveals she doesn't eat lobster "because they're alive when you kill it." Unlike other animals which are ... ugh, nevermind, too easy.

Reason No. 4: Although she has zero prob boinking on camera, Sammi gets all bashful/self-righteous when the other girls ask about her sex life. Hey, a lady NEVER smushes and tells!

Reason No. 5: We've always thought of Vinny as The Boy Who Cried Pinkeye. But now, he will forever be known as the Idiot Who Stole His Boss-Slash-Landlord's Girl. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, College Boy.