On tonight's episode of Teen Mom, Catelynn shared with viewers an excerpt from a beautiful (and heart-wrenching) letter that she'd written to her daughter, Carly. What we got to hear was so special that we decided to reach out to Catelynn and see if she'd be willing to post the letter in its entirety on Remote Control. As usual, the wise-beyond-her-years teen was happy to oblige -- so gather some tissues, warm up some comfort food, take a deep breath and begin reading this profound message from Catelynn to her daughter...
From the moment I knew you were coming into this world, I loved you. Tyler and I were not sure what we were going to do at first. We both wanted to keep you and love on you forever, but we were not sure that was the best thing for you.
When I was four months pregnant, Tyler and I decided on adoption. We believe it was the best decision for you at the time in our lives. Tyler and I were both just 17 years old and inexperienced in life itself.
Hunnie, I had a hard childhood with my mother, moving all the time. She had different boyfriends coming and going in and out of my life. When it came to her children or her boyfriends, she always picked her boyfriends. I was the oldest at my house and I had a little sister and a little brother. I pretty much raised my brother until he was three years old. So it’s kind of like I was a mom for three years. I didn’t want you to be around my family smoking and swearing. I wanted what was best for you!! I knew I could not provide for you at my age, even though I wish I could of and I wish I could be your mom, but at what cost? For you to be raised how I have been raised? No! I did not want you to go through all of the same stuff I have been put through my whole life.
The first time I met your mom and dad, I knew they were the right parents for you. It was an amazing feeling. They love you so much and they will always be there for you no matter what you do in life. I wish I could have had the same.
I didn’t have support from my family, even my mom, to make an adoption plan for you. But I didn’t care. Carly, I love you soooo much that I gave you to your mom and dad so you would have an amazing life, and have a chance in this world. I always wonder what you will think in the future, like why did I do what I did. Carly, I was 16, I had no job, no way to support myself furthermore ... How could I support a child? Of course I wanted to be your mother, I just didn’t want you to be punished for my decisions.
I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday; you were perfect and looked just like Tyler as an infant, but as you get older you look more and more like me! You were born on May 18th at 10:39 am 7lbs, 4 ounces and 21 1/2 inches long. I held on to you for hours while Tyler and I told you how much we loved you and that you meant the world to us. I remember you hearing my voice for the first time and you looked up at me, it was like you were really listening to us. We cried, laughed and never wanted that moment to end. When we first saw you all we could do was stare, you were gorgeous. Then the day came when Tyler and I had to hand you off to your mom and dad. It was the worst but best day of my life. We both held on to you crying for an hour straight. We didn’t want to let you go but we knew we had to. That was the hardest thing we have ever had to do. We wanted to be able to raise you, but when you have children you have to make sacrifices for them, and I think ours was the hardest sacrifice of all.
Carly please do not think that I don’t think about you. There’s not a day that you don’t pass my mind. It sucks because I have to miss out on so much in your life, like you growing and becoming the beautiful woman I know you will be. I’m not there for your first steps, or your first words. That saddens me but I know it will be ok, that those are some of my sacrifices for you. I will always be here for you, too, and I believe and pray that one day Tyler, you, and I will have a wonderful relationship. Just always remember that I LOVE YOU! Even though I’m not always there, I’m always in your heart and you're in mine. Just like our bracelets! I love you Carly and I hope you always know that.
Love Always and Forever,