Memo To Jay: If You Hurt Whitney, We Will Hunt You Down And End You

We don't believe in violence. Pacifists by nature, we prefer to resolve conflicts peacefully, by means of polite adult discourse, mediation and good ol' fashioned compromise. That said, we have one thing to say to Jay Lyon: Do anything to hurt our girl Whitney, and we will slap that cocky Australian smile off your face so fast you'll be in a world of pain before you can say "Crikey!" (or, if you prefer, "G'day mate!")

See, here's the thing: When you first asked Whitney if she wanted to be your third-ever girlfriend, we swooned. When you defended Adam for maybe/probably kissing another girl, we politely looked the other way. And when you told Whit that he never, ever went home with your ex-girlfriend, Danielle, we totally believed you. But based on what we saw tonight, there's at least a 50% chance you're lying.

The way we see it, there are two semi-plausible explanations:

Explanation #1: You flat-out lied to Whitney when you told her nothing happened between you and Dani.

Explanation #2: You flat-out lied to Dani when you reminisced about "going home together."

To be completely honest, Explanation #2 doesn't make much sense. (Fact: If the initial run-in with Dani got you in trouble with Whit, what motivation would you have for (a) rehashing the night in question and (b) making it sound worse than it actually was?) Which means until we hear otherwise, we're gonna assume we're dealing with Explanation #1 and act accordingly. (See: first paragraph, above).

Our advice? If this IS all just one giant misunderstanding, find a way to fix it -- and fast. Otherwise, better start running. Cause if the scenes from next week's ep are any indication, you're about to be apartmentless/girlfriendless/TVshowless. And, more importantly, on our bad side...